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“When did you start? And why?”
“Over the summer. It was something new. I didn’t like who I was before I started taking them out of my mom’s bathroom either. It was more fun than feeling like shit over other things.”
“Like what?” When she doesn’t look up from her plate, I press her harder. “What other things?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“You don’t have to. So long as you still want to be my friend, even when you’re not on pills.”
She rolls her eyes but grins, too. “It didn’t make me that different. Just happier. And invincible. Like nothing could bother me.”
If I didn’t see for myself how it ended up when she mixed the pills with a lot of alcohol, I might ask to try them. I could use a break from everything for a little while.
She takes a small bite of her sandwich and chews slowly. I sense there’s still something bothering her, but I don’t want to force her. Finally, she sighs. “There’s somebody I was hooking up with over the summer. On and off. Not he-whose-name-I’ll-never-speak-again,” she adds with a grimace. “It ended before I was ready, and I didn’t take it well. I thought I was over it, but when school started, it all came back.”
So it’s somebody from school. Hayes? They supposedly only hooked up in junior year, but it could’ve bled through to the summer. He flat-out almost killed somebody for her, which points to there being feelings somewhere. And he was so sweet and gentle with her afterward.
She even threw herself into his arms the first day of school and he didn’t tell her not to touch him. There was no awkwardness that I could see, and I can sense awkwardness from a mile away. Mom trained me well.
Bitterness touches my heart. I hate it, but I can’t help it. What if all this time he’s been tormenting me, he was tormenting her at the same time?
“It’s not Hayes, is it?” I blurt out. I instantly hate myself for it. What if it is and I’m rubbing salt in the wound?
She almost chokes, her face red by the time she swallows the fry she was chewing. “God, no!” She laughs. “That’s ancient history. I mean, he’s a good friend now, but I wouldn’t fall apart over him. No offense.”
“Why would I be offended?”
“Because you’re almost related.” She eyes me, lips pursed. “You almost bit my head off.”
“I didn’t mean to.” I take a long sip of my soda hoping to cool my flushed cheeks. She’s right. I’m on edge. “I’m just saying, if I have to kick his ass, I’ll gladly do it.”
“He needs an ass kicking sometimes, but not because of me. Don’t worry,” she adds as I mull this over. “You don’t have to watch over me. I can handle my shit. I sort of… went off for a little bit, but I’m finished falling apart.”
“I’m glad. And I’m always here if you need to talk.”
“I know. You’re the only person I trust.”
It’s the first time she’s been out of the house since faking sick for four days after that night at the park. We haven’t talked about it except for me asking how she’s feeling and if she needs to talk. I’m not going to bring it up if she doesn’t first.
She has to go back to school tomorrow though.
“I’ve got your back,” I remind her when we talk about it. “But everybody’s pretty much over it by now. There’s always something new happening.”
“I don’t know. I’m dreading walking in tomorrow. I know all the guys are going to say sick things.”
“Yeah, but that’s what they do anyway. They know you’ll kick their asses.”
“That’s true.” It seems to brighten her mood a little. “What if we go to swim practice after this?”
My burger tastes like sawdust all of a sudden. “Why do you want to do that? I thought we were going to the movies.”
“We can go see a later one. I want to get a feel for what it’ll be like at school tomorrow—and there’s only a handful of swim team members. So it won’t be too horrible if they’re acting like assholes.” Salem bites her lip, eyes wide, and I understand what she means. Sort of like dipping her toe into the pool.
Does it have to be that pool in particular? I haven’t seen Hayes since dinner on Friday night and I don’t know what kind of mood he’s going to be in. He wouldn’t do anything too mean in front of his friends, would he? What am I saying? He pushed me into Franky’s pool at the party. Of course he would.
But his coach will be there, too, and Hayes has to stay on his good side.
A shiver runs up my spine. I’ve never had the chance to see how Coach Greg treats Hayes. It might be interesting, seeing if there’s a difference in how he acts around Hayes compared to the other swimmers.
