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When he set her down they were facing Wesley and Edwin, who were clapping each other on the back and exclaiming over how well the other looked. In truth, if Wesley had not been with Hugh, she wasn’t sure she would have recognized him. His time in India had bronzed his skin and lightened his auburn hair, bringing out tints of gold and coppery red in the long strands. Unfashionably long strands, tied back at the nape of his neck, and yet it suited him. Dressed in full mourning black for his father, Wesley looked rather dangerous, both rugged and somehow refined, and she was sure that his reappearance in Society had sent many young women swooning.
“Little Nell,” he said, shaking his head as he reached for her, pulling her into his arms for a swift hug. Eleanor hugged him back, shooting a swift glance at Edwin to see that he did not mind, but he was grinning and greeting Hugh.
“Not so little anymore,” she retorted as she pulled away.
Wesley rolled his bright hazel eyes, his unrelenting grin softening the hard lines of his face, his teeth gleaming whitely in that bronze visage. “Not at all, and married to Edwin of all people! I thought you had better taste than that.”
To her surprise Eleanor was able to laugh without feeling any stab of disgruntlement over her lack of choice in a groom. The time away with Edwin had obviously done wonders to help her come to terms with the wedding.
Pulling a resigned face she shook her head. “You should have seen the empty headed ninnies he was dancing with at the balls, I couldn’t possibly have left him to such a fate.”
“But that’s the fate you’ve left me to,” protested Wesley, one hand over his heart as he pretended to feel faint. Edwin and Hugh were laughing at their friend’s antics, he had always been the joker of the group. “How shall I endure?” He moaned and lay one hand dramatically across his brow before shooting her an inquiring glance. “Unless of course, you have a friend in mind for me?”
“None that would suit,” she said honestly, grinning up at him. “I’m afraid you’re on your own.”
“Cruel woman, not even a hint of apology in her,” said Wesley shaking his head.
“You have no idea how hard it is to encourage her to apologize,” said Edwin with a chuckle and Eleanor flushed bright red.
“My condolences on the passing of your father,” she said hastily to Wesley. It abruptly sobered the conversation as Edwin added his own condolences, which she did regret, but the words needed to be said and she certainly preferred it over listening to Edwin make references to disciplining her! Wesley accepted the sentiment with a little grimace, she knew that he and his father hadn't been particularly close but there was still a shadow over his face.
"Would you like to have a drink?" Edwin asked, shooting a little glance at Eleanor and she smiled and gave him a nod. Although they'd just returned home she certainly didn't mind that he wanted a moment to catch up with his friends, especially Wesley who had been gone for so longer. And it would give her the chance to find Mrs. Hester and begin to find out what exactly she needed to do around the house. Wesley and Edwin continued to chat as they went down the hallway towards his study, leaving her momentarily in the foray with her brother.
"You look happy Nell," said Hugh after they'd studied each other for a moment, a slight expression of relief on his face. Eleanor couldn't help but smile; even though she knew that Hugh looked at her with the often exasperated eyes of a henpecked big brother and thought that Edwin could do no wrong, he'd obviously been worried about a mismatch with the way things had been going after their wedding. "Did you enjoy your honeymoon?"
"Are you supposed to want to know about things like that?" she asked, innocently batting her eyelashes.
"Nell!"
She laughed and stepped forward to put her hand on his arm. "I find myself content, Hugh. Now go along and play with your friends, I have things I need to see to around the home."
"More than content," Hugh said with a certain amount of surprise at her desire to attend to her responsibilities (which made her bristle a little even if he had reason to be surprised by such a turn of events), followed by a smugness on behalf of Edwin. Grinning, Hugh gave his baby sister a kiss on the forehead, suddenly well satisfied that things within this household were well in hand and that no interference on his behalf was needed. "You're the very picture of a happy woman in love Nell."
And with that he turned on his heel and strode down the hallway, blithely oblivious to the fact that he'd just brought his sister's world crashing down around her ears.
Stunned, Eleanor stared after her brother, his words echoing in her ears, pushing at her with their weight and threat
ening to smother her. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't see. She couldn't think.
The very picture of a woman in love.
A woman in love.
A woman in love.
Oh merciful... how could this have happened? The revelation slammed into her so hard that she felt faint, as if the floor had dropped open beneath her feet and the curtains drawn back to show her the truth behind her behavior for the past month. When they were in Paris she’d let down the barriers that she’d built, hoping to find a way for them to coexist happily. Contentedly. Amiably.
Instead she had fallen in love with her husband.
In love with a man who was very much like her father with his heavy hand and disciplined attitude, with his unbending will and strength of character. In love with a man who was nothing like the man she'd planned to marry, who had already had her dancing to his tune and deciding to desist in her own aims before she'd even realized her feelings towards him, a man who had given no indication that he suffered from such an affliction himself.
While he was sure that he cared for her in his own way, after all they had practically grown up together, it wasn't the same as the feelings she now realized she had for him. And he desired her. For now. Yet she knew that was not enough to sustain a marriage, not in their world. How long before even his desire for her mellowed and he began to look for a bit on the side? How could a man like him possibly be satisfied with just one woman for the rest of his life without love to bind him to her? She would spend the rest of her life trying to please him, because she loved him, and he would treat her with a distant affection until she became a shadow of herself, idling away in the country and ignoring whatever pursuits her husband might be indulging in whilst in town.
Eleanor's feet were moving before she could think, running, taking her to the refuge of her chambers, although she couldn't outrun the fact that her greatest fear was coming true: she was turning into her mother.
********
In his study, Edwin poured three glasses of port and handed on to Wesley, keeping one in hand and settling the third on the table next to the empty armchair for Hugh once he joined them.
