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She pushed the sheet back and stood. “I understand. Just give me a minute. I just need to throw some things in a bag.”
His heart had first been broken when his mother died. Then, when Ra’if had been found unconscious after a drug overdose, it had broken a little more. Now, at the look of kind acceptance on her face, it broke further. Almost finally.
“No, Olivia. Not you. Just me.”
She scanned his face, confusion obvious. She was silent, as his words, and their various implications, compounded in his mind. “I want to be there for you.”
He shook his head. He had to be strong. “It is not possible.”
“You’re being silly. Of course it’s possible. It will be just like it’s been here. Zamir, I’m not going to let you go through this alone.”
“I will not be alone,” he said seriously. “I’ll have a palace full of aids, remember?’
Olivia felt as though he’d stabbed her. It was like a knife was plunging into her gut. “That’s not the same.”
“No,” he agreed. “But you cannot come.”
“Why not?” She didn’t want to argue with him, but nor could she simply let him walk away.
“Because,” he hissed with frustration. “The kind of relationship we have would not be accepted within the palace. You would be treated like a whore. My servants here barely tolerate you. My father would feel betrayed by what he would view as my disrespect. You would barely see me. The demands on my time there are enormous. You would spend your days rejected and alone, and you would be miserable. Even if I wished you to come, I could not allow it. You would suffer for your kindness.”
“But you do want me to come.”
He shook his head. It was irrelevant. “We both knew it would come to this.”
“But … I don’t understand. You’re coming back to Las Vegas?”
He thought of Ra’if and frowned. “I can’t say. More likely, Ra’if will be flown to Dashan as soon as the doctor feels he is stable.”
Olivia felt as though she was falling through a crack in the earth. Lava was burning her being. “You’re not really ending things with me, are you?”
He wanted to say anything that would wipe the shock and grief from her face. But he would not lie to her. He spoke gently, but with firmness. “I’m going to be Sultan. Whether my father recovers or not, he will choose to abdicate his role to me now. I cannot fool around like this, with someone like you. My people would never take me seriously.”
Olivia gripped the wall behind her for support. “You … fool around … someone like me …” she repeated, her brain unable to process the characterisation of what they were doing.
“The timing is crucial. I must focus everything I am on what I must be. I cannot be distracted any longer.”
Olivia, hurt and furious, swore. “I love you. I’m in love with you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
Zamir closed his eyes and exhaled with regret. “Don’t say it, Olivia. Don’t say things that will only make me feel worse.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry that I’m making you feel bad!” She raged. Her eyes narrowed. “You’re saying you don’t love me?”
He stared at her and his whole life was blurring around him. “I am not talking about love, or impossibilities. I am talking about reality. My father is sick. I am his heir. After what happened to Ra’if, it is even more important that I perform my role well.”
“And there’s no room for me in your life, so long as you’re Sultan.”
“No.” His face was implacable. “And you have always understood this. I have always been honest about this.”
Olivia spun away from him so that she could shield him from her expression of betrayal. “Right.” She nodded jerkily.
“I will have this room reserved for as long as you choose to use it.” He came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Your agency will be paid for the next month, so that you may take time off.” He ran his hands down her arms, and she was too numb to shake off his touch.
“And that’s it?” She whispered into the darkness.
“No.”
Hope flared in her chest.
