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Her throat felt as dry as sandpaper. There were other questions she wanted to ask, but she wasn’t sure it was really her place. Where was Violet’s mother? she wondered. She cast another gaze at his ring finger to make sure she hadn’t missed it. He definitely wasn’t wearing a wedding band.
“Bud said you’d gotten divorced a long time ago,” she blurted out, immediately wishing she could pull back the impulsive words. She didn’t want Joshua to think she’d been keeping tabs on him. Bud had hired her to come over to the Diamond R twice a week to check in on his animals. Although he’d never divulged much about Joshua’s life, he had slipped one day and confided in her about Joshua’s divorce.
“That’s right,” he said, jutting his chin out. “About five years ago. It lasted all of eleven months. I’m no longer married.”
Honor knew the shock was showing on her face. Her entire life people had told her about her inability to hide her feelings. She was certain this moment wasn’t any exception. She was reacting to the fact that Joshua hadn’t married Violet’s mother. It wasn’t shocking in itself, but it didn’t gel with the Joshua Ransom she had once known.
Joshua Ransom was no longer her business. What difference did it make whether he was single or divorced or had a houseful of babies? It was none of her concern. He was nothing more than a faded memory to her.
“Dada,” Violet said in a sing-song voice, looking up at Joshua with a gummy smile.
“Hi there,” Honor said in a light voice, smiling at the blue-eyed charmer. “Aren’t you the sweetest little thing?”
Violet gifted her with a grin, then reached out and tugged at her hair. Honor let out a squeal as Violet grabbed a few strands and wrapped them around her fingers. The expression on Violet’s face was one of triumph.
“Easy there, Vi,” Joshua said with a low chuckle. He began disentangling Honor’s hair from Violet’s grasp. “She loves to latch onto things.”
“She’s beautiful,” Honor said, unable to take her eyes off the little girl. She looked dainty in her pink-and-purple onesie, yet her little body appeared to be sturdy and well nourished. From the looks of it, Joshua was doing a great job in the fatherhood department. There was a funny feeling stirring around in her belly.
“Thank you,” Joshua said. “She’s changed my life in ways I never could have imagined.” Joshua’s voice was filled with reverence. “On a cloudy day, this little lady can make the sun peek out past the clouds.”
“And her mother? Is she here, too?” she asked, her heart sinking at the idea of coming face-to-face with the woman who had given Joshua a child. It was a petty emotion, but Honor couldn’t ignore it. It was an unsettling feeling. After six long years she shouldn’t care about Joshua’s personal life.
Joshua’s expression hardened. His jaw tightened. “She passed away right after Violet was born. I’m raising her on my own.”
Guilt clawed at her. Moments ago she’d felt an emotion resembling jealousy. And now she had just discovered that Violet didn’t have a mother. The situation was heartbreaking. Joshua was a single father raising a baby daughter. And poor Violet would never know the woman who had given her life.
It was incredibly difficult to reconcile the man standing in front of her cradling Violet with the ex-fiancé who had run wild all over town, leaving mayhem in his wake. He had once stolen a car as a prank and broken into a Jarvis Street shop named Keepsakes on a dare. And in one final act of rebellion, he had gone too far and started a fire that had destroyed the town’s beloved church. A local man had sustained burns after trying to put out the blaze. There had been no going back for Joshua after that heinous act. It had earned him a one-way ticket out of Love.
She shook the painful memories off and focused on the present. “I’m sorry to hear that, Joshua. It’s terribly sad for both of you,” she said in a low voice.
“Yes. It’s not fair for Violet. She’ll never get to know her mother,” Joshua said. He sighed deeply. “Tomorrow is never promised, like Bud always said. Life keeps teaching me that lesson. I thought I’d be able to see my grandfather again. He had plans to fly to Seattle to visit Violet and me next month.” His mouth quirked. “That won’t happen now.”
There was nothing Honor could say. No words were necessary. They both knew from their own experiences how unfair life could be. At the age of eight, Joshua had lost a baby sister to leukemia while Honor had struggled throughout her life with having parents who were missing in action. But developing a relationship with God during her college years had strengthened her as a person. He had shown her that despite setbacks and disappointments, life was a beautiful journey.
Honor found her gaze straying back toward Violet time and again. She felt a wild impulse to ask Joshua if she could hold his daughter. She wanted to cradle her tightly in her arms and smell her forehead. Babies always smelled like powder and soap and fresh flowers. She knew it wasn’t true, but looking at Violet made her believe it.
Seeing Joshua’s child created an ache deep within her soul.
“I need to get back to the wildlife center,” Honor said, tearing her gaze away from Violet. She needed to get away from Violet and Joshua as quickly as possible. These tender feelings were making her feel all jumbled up inside. A feeling of intense loss swept over her. Thinking about the baby she’d lost was incredibly painful. Joshua’s child. Seeing Violet brought back those devastating memories. What she wouldn’t have given to have held her own child in her arms just once.
She had only come to the Diamond R Ranch today to meet with Lee about Bud’s will. Seeing Joshua had been a complete shock to the system. And finding out that Joshua had a sweet-faced baby girl h
ad been quite the surprise. Her mind was still whirling about the terms of Bud’s will. It was all a little much for her to absorb at the moment.
Honor had no intention of allowing herself to get swept up in Joshua’s life. When she had ended their engagement, Honor had cut all ties with him. Joshua had torn her world apart and ripped her heart to shreds. Becoming invested in his life was a surefire way to blur the lines she had established between them. She couldn’t run the risk of falling for him all over again. The sight of him holding Violet threatened to wear down all her defenses. It made her wonder what kind of a father he would have been to their child.
Joshua eyed her warily. “Are you finished reading me the riot act?”
She locked gazes with him. “For now,” she said in a low voice. “I don’t want to startle Violet by raising my voice.” On impulse, she reached out and swept a finger across the baby’s cheek. She was soft and warm. She is more precious than rubies. Honor felt a tugging sensation in the region of her heart as she gazed upon the irresistible sight of Joshua’s baby girl.
“By the way, no decision has been made regarding the Diamond R,” Joshua said in a firm voice. “But make no mistake, Honor. Any decision I make will be in the best interest of Violet and her future. The moment I became her father she became my number one priority in this world. Bar none.”
She nodded in his direction as an acknowledgment of the sentiments he had just expressed. Putting his daughter first was noble. She had no idea what that meant for the future of the ranch. If she believed Joshua, its destiny still hung in the balance.
As Honor walked away from Joshua and Violet and out into the brisk February afternoon, a feeling of sadness swept over her. Six years ago she would have given anything to have this version of Joshua Ransom in her life. Steady. Devoted. Strong. Dependable. Instead, she had fallen for a rebellious rabble-rouser who had stolen her heart, then made a fool of her in front of her family and the whole town. Ever since then Honor had been wary of falling in love.
Tears pooled in her eyes as the dreams of her youth came rising back to the surface with a vengeance. She had once dreamed of forever with Joshua. She’d wanted the fairy tale—the white picket fence, the blue-eyed babies who were the spitting image of their father and a happily-ever-after. None of it had come true.
