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Within minutes his breathing became more regular and he'd regained a measure of his composure. Although he knew he owed mama an explanation for his actions, all he could think about was Olivia. His Liv.
He'd experienced emotions with Olivia he'd been trying to stuff down ever since he first fell head over heels for her as a teen.
She'd trusted him. Believed in him. She loved him. He’d seen it in her eyes. Or she had loved him until he'd shown her he wasn’t worthy of loving. He wasn’t a man to be trusted with her heart. It hurt so badly to be the one who caused her such pain. It killed him to know that he wasn't going to be playing a part in her future – he was now strictly a thing of the past.
“Talk to me, son,” Mae implored. “I need to know why you did this!”
He let out a ragged sigh, one that held all his pent up feelings—pain, regret, shame, love and loss.
“I know it'll sound crazy, but for me Renault was always the symbol of everything I could never achieve.”
Mama looked incredulous. “But you've achieved so much more than Jack ever did. You're the owner of a Fortune 500 company. You've achieved success on a global level. Jack's success has been local at best. He can't hold a candle to what you've achieved. You must know that!”
“It was never about Jack.” He let out a ragged sigh. “It was about the way I felt growing up here in Savannah. I hated being the poor kid taking handouts from the well-off families. I never could shake off that feeling of being less than. It twisted me up inside. It was why I left.”
Mae's mouth quivered with emotion. “I know we didn't have a lot of material things. Our situation went downhill fast after your father passed on, particularly since I struggled with lupus, but we had so many things that held us together as a family.” She shook her head in disbelief. “I always thought that was enough.”
“I've been running from things for too long, Mama. I ran away from everything I didn't want to be...poor, fatherless...guilty. I couldn't shake off that guilt. It was my fault that Daddy was killed in the accident.”
His mother's face was filled with horror. “Hunter! Why would you say something like that?”
He shot her a look of disbelief, certain she was still protecting him from blame, even after all these years. “You know why, Mama. Daddy was going back to that fair to get my crocodile stuffed animal. I begged and begged him to go back until I wore him down. He should never have been on that road at that moment in time. It was because of me that he went back,” he said in an agonized voice. “It was all my fault.”
“It wasn't your fault,” she said firmly. “You weren't driving that car. A man coming from a bar who had no business driving drunk killed your father.”
He bowed his head, feeling broken. “I know that. I've always known that on an intellectual level, but deep down...it always broke my heart thinking I was responsible.”
Mae raised her hand to her mouth and made a mournful sound. “I should've gotten you counseling. I should've made sure you got your feelings out. Why didn't I realize you felt this way?”
Hunter groaned. The last thing he wanted was for Mama to feel badly about the way she'd raised her kids and about the choices she'd made in the aftermath of his father's death. From what he remembered they'd all clung to each other in the weeks and months after the accident—a family united in their pain and suffering. It had been excruciatingly painful to be part of the media circus that took place during the trial of the prominent politician, Macon Alexander, who had been charged with DUI and manslaughter in the death of Tyler Rawlings. When Alexander had received nothing more than a slap on the wrist for his crime, the Rawlings family had gone into a tailspin. He'd been consumed by a rage unlike any other he'd ever known in his young life. How could there be no consequences when his father's life had been stolen away from them? How could a judge not make Alexander pay for his crime? No matter how much they'd all suffered, it was clear to him that Mama had weathered the worst of it since she'd lost the love of her life.
“Listen to me, son. There's something you need to know about that night. Your father didn't go back just for that stuffed a
nimal. He went back out that night because I asked him to.” She let out a low moan. “So, if you're going to blame someone for the accident, you might as well blame me.”
“C'mon, Mama. That's not true. Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but -.”
“Son, I've never lied to you, and I'm not about to start now.” Mae looked over at her son, unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. “I asked your father to pick up some ice cream for me...peppermint stick. Tyler never refused me anything, so of course he agreed to swing by the Piggly Wiggly and pick me up a pint. I was pregnant, about eight weeks along. I had terrible morning sickness. It used to hit me at all times of the day and night. The only thing that seemed to soothe it was peppermint stick ice cream.” Tears streamed down her face and she swatted them away with the back of her hand.
Hunter felt his jaw drop. “You were pregnant?”
Mae's eyes were filled with a raw, aching pain. “Yes. I miscarried a few weeks after we buried your father. My grief was too overwhelming to sustain a baby.”
Hunter reached out and placed his arm around his mother. “You never said a word about the baby, mama. We never had a clue.”
“Of course I didn't. Our family was already suffering enough loss. I didn't want to add to all that. Not to mention I felt really guilty myself.”
“You blamed yourself?”
Mae nodded her head and looked at her son with sad eyes. “It seems we were both blaming ourselves for the accident, when in reality there's only one person to blame. The drunk driver who slammed head-on into Tyler's car should never have gotten behind the wheel that night.”
Mae reached out and pulled Hunter into a tight embrace full of comfort and massive love. Hunter hugged her back with all his might, as if he was holding on for dear life. His eyes were moist with tears and his voice was tight with emotion as he said, “Mama, I've got to make things right.”
“With Jack...or Olivia?” she asked pointedly.
“Both. I respect Jack way too much to let things go down like this. I owe him an apology. And I'm going to find a way to fix this mess I've made.”
Mae nodded her head in approval. Her eyes narrowed as she asked, “And Olivia?”
