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“Since I’m an informant,” I replied bitterly. A reluctant one forced into supplying information by the way, but why go there now? That was the past. I was still angry that he didn’t tell me Leah died for months afterward. That false hope had killed me and the news left me empty for a long time afterward. “Thanks for coming but I can take care of myself.”
He frowned, leaning forward as the front feet of the chair smacked the cool tiles, “That’s not the point Rae.”
“Don’t you mean Jennie?” I asked sarcastically, turning my head before he witnessed my frustrated tears. Hearing my name always sent them stinging to my eyes as my throat tightened with the surging emotion.
“Listen, I know how hard this has been for you. I’ve been around the whole time, remember?” his fingers closed around my hand from across the table and squeezed.
Sims was a good looking guy, blonde and tall with broad shoulders, smart and charming when he wasn’t being an overbearing and protective ass – like right now – but we’ve had this conversation before. I wasn’t interested in dating or finding my next mistake with a guy. Been there, done that.
And it sucked.
My heart was still broken beyond repair.
Sims rose from the table and crossed to me. His tall, lanky frame clothed in a pair of dark slacks and a sports jacket as he pulled me up and into his embrace, “I know you’re still hurting and heartbroken so I won’t push it and talk about what’s between us again tonight but . . . Rae, honey, sooner or later you’re going to have to let go and move on. It’s been five years,” he added, “and besides, it’s your birthday.”
I looked up at his face in surprise. He remembered. No one else had today.
“Happy birthday Rae,” he whispered, leaning down and kissing me softly on the lips. “I’ve got a little something for you.”
A small package was placed in my hands before he turned toward the door, scooping up his coat and slipping his feet into his dress shoes. With a wink and a small smile, he ticked his head in the direction of my front window, “I’ll be in the patrol car all night, just in case. If you need me you know my number. Call.”
I nodded. This wasn’t the first time he sat outside and watched over my apartment or issued the proposition for me to invite him in. Sometimes I wondered if I was a fool for turning down a perfectly great guy who cared about me, but I didn’t possess a heart to be given away anymore. I’d already handed it over to Peter Harding, long ago.
And alive or dead, happy or miserable, I could never ask for it back.
“Thank you Detective Sims,” I answered softly as our eyes met. Yeah, just this once, I could be nice.
He took a step in my direction and then paused, raking his hand through his hair, “Just Paul is fine.”
“Thank you, Paul.”
His regard was intense and I knew he fought the urge to come closer and kiss me again.
That’s why I had to usher him out the door.
We’ve done this song and dance a few times, and it’s not fair to either of us.
Once he was gone I locked the deadbolt and walked to my front window. As I expected, he was waiting for me. I’ve come a long way from that frightened and lonely girl who witnessed so much death and carnage five years ago, but some habits die hard. I waved at Paul and closed the curtains, the same as I had every time I saw him over the last five years.
Curling up on the couch with a thin blanket my mind wandered back to the night I last saw Peter. It was when my mother and sister were killed, and the Outlaws tried to murder me too. At least that son of a bitch Charles died that night and couldn’t terrorize anyone else. Only a couple of the other Outlaws were killed. A handful were arrested, but most of them were already out of prison and mingling in society.
Devlin was one of them. The day he was released I spent the whole afternoon in my apartment, scared and upset, and even Paul wasn’t able to calm me down for long. That was six months ago. I fully expected his sorry ass to end up back in the clink but nothing so far. Devlin was a dangerous asshole. Someday he would try to find where I was living. I didn’t think for one minute he’d let the past go or drop his vendetta against Pete, the RRMC, or me.
Those thoughts led me right back to the love of my life.
All I could think of were those last few minutes with Peter and climbing into that black sedan, my entire life changing in an instant, and not for the better. How in the hell was witness protection supposed to help? I was the victim, and yet the bastards who killed my family roamed free in the streets as I hid away from society.
How the fuck was that fair?
Tears fell down my cheeks and I didn’t bother wiping them away. I lost so much. I’ve had to live without everyone I loved for the last five years and it sucked. Why didn’t I get a choice in my future? Why couldn’t I have stayed in touch with Hayley?
With Peter?
Why didn’t he come for me or try to find me?
He promised.
But he never showed up, not once.
