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“Yeah, I know.” I slouched back, running my fingers through my hair.
“Ten years we’ve put into this. For what?” She gestured around. “This house? It wasn’t quite how I planned it.”
“Can’t say it was my life plan, either.”
“The papers have taken the bait, calling out the dirty little skank on her trashy little lies. They’re running the story tomorrow.”
“It’s not bait. It’s the truth.”
“Whatever it is,” she sighed. “I thought I’d be happy. Another narrow escape. Public persona maintained.” She stared at me through watery eyes. “I don’t know why I’m so fucking sad.”
“Because you want out,” I said. “Part of you hoped this would be it. I did, too.”
“I should be writing that biography, selling you out myself, if only I could be fucking bothered.” She let out a long breath. “You’ve met someone, haven’t you? Not just sex, for real. You’ve got that look about you, like you had when we first met.”
“How can I have anything real, April? We live in this fucking house together, plaster it on thick for the fucking media every five seconds. Every fucking person in the country knows my face, my business. How can I possibly have any kind of actual relationship?”
“You want one, though, don’t you?” She brought the tissue to her face again. “I do, too.”
I smiled at that. “You want a relationship?”
“I’m not entirely heartless, Jason. I may have some defence issues, but I still want someone to hold me at night. I still want to love someone.”
“I’m not stopping you.”
“I didn’t say you were.” She blew her nose. “Did you ever love me?”
I stared at her. “More thanyoulovedme.”
“I did care about you, Jason.”
“Cared about Fabien a little bit more, though, didn’t you?”
“Fabien’s different.” She twisted her hair idly around her fingers. “You told me you loved me, all the time. Told me you listened to my album on your way to training, can you remember? I actually believed that shit.”
Memories came crashing in. Me listening to her tacky electro-pop on the drive to the ground, not because it was any good. It was shit. Just because it was her. I was so fucking proud, and so fucking deluded.
“You didn’t actually listen to it, did you?” she managed a laugh.
“Did you ever really enjoy coming to the games?”
“Sometimes. You were so good, Jase. You still are.”
“Wish I could say the same for your singing.” I smiled to soften the dig. “Let’s get out of this, April. Save ourselves both the fucking heartache. It’s just a house. We could have a life, both of us. Maybe one day we may even be able to stand the sight of each other again. It’s got to be worth a shot.”
Her eyes flew wide, jaw open. “You’ll sign the papers?!”
“If you’ll go 50/50.”
She laughed like I was an idiot, tossing her hair back with all tears forgotten. “Nice try, asshole. It’s the only saving grace of the ten fucking years of shit I’ve had to put up with. You’ll have to carry me out of this house in a fucking casket before I’ll give it up willingly.”
Oh, how I fucking wished.
***
Gemma
I pushed it all away, focusing on my spins and nothing else. My muscles ached, but not so much as the lingering burn of being fucked raw. Ow!
