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Or not.
She'd have to think about Cal and her attitude toward him.
Her father leaned over and kissed her forehead. "You're as pretty now as you ever were, and I, for one, hope that Calhoun Orgeron chokes on regret rather than a dinner roll. He never deserved you, honey.”
"But you think he deserves my forgiveness? Even when he's never actually said 'I'm sorry'?"
Her father smiled. "That's up to you. I think everyone deserves forgiveness, honey. Love your neighbor. Love your enemy. And love your- "
“Don't say ex-husband, Dad. Sorry. I will try to be civil for Birdie’s sake, and maybe one day I'll forgive him for throwing me away." Abigail marched up the stairs, spine straight, shoulders back. But she didn't feel as much resolve.
Today she felt hard even though her skin felt thin. With Leif she'd been a different woman. Being enfolded in his world of warmth had thawed a part of her heart she'd put on ice. So maybe she should stop being such a bitch to Cal. Sure, he deserved everything she gave him and more, but what was it accomplishing? Cal was impervious to his wrongdoing and the negativity wasn't good for her. So maybe-
"Hey," Cal said interrupting her thoughts as she entered the house. He'd been waiting for her in the doorway of her father's study.
"Cal," Abigail said, unable to soften her tone.
"Look, I'm sorry if I upset you coming today. Your dad's been helping me a lot, and I always liked coming to Sunday dinner."
"My mom's cooking?"
Cal gave her a small smile. "Yeah, and your brothers are fun to watch a game with... or at least they were."
"Well, we're going to be in each other's lives. Might as well try to be decent about it." Abigail nearly choked ondecent.That word didn't deserve to be used in the same thought as Cal. But her father was right about the anger she expended like Tic Tacs- it made her feel small.
Cal relaxed a little. "We could salvage something-"
“I told you I'm not interested in going backward. At all."
"I just meant that at one point we were friends."
"I'm not ready to be friends, Cal."
Cal reached a hand toward her, but she pushed it away. Cal looked at her, his dark eyes swimming with regret. "I wish I could undo it, Abi.”
"Maybe so, but what's done is done."
"We had some good times. We had plans, dreams, and laughter. Your father is helping me understand why I gave up on my life. I know now I was scared, afraid of being nothing."
Hurt ripped a path to her gut. "How is being my husband and Birdie's daddy nothing?"
"I didn't mean that. I'm trying to explain that giving up on a dream does something to you. When I looked in the mirror every morning, I hated who I saw. I started hating you, the house, my job. Everything. I hated my world."
Abigail held her tongue. All those years ago Cal hadn't bothered to tell her what he shared now. He had merely said he'd made a mistake, didn't love her, and had to leave Magnolia Bend. He'd refused to talk to her or to listen to her pleading. It was as if a light switch tripped, darkening out that part of her life. She'd had no answers and could find no reason for what had happened.
Click.
Her husband was gone.
Cal shoved his hands into his pockets. "I hurt you, and for that, I can't tell you how sorry I am."
Abigail nodded, tears suddenly clogging her throat as a dam inside her broke. It was what she'd wanted to hear for a long time, but it had come much, much too late. Still, she and Cal had a past, shared a daughter and before he'd broken her, they'd loved each other. "Okay. You've apologized and you're working through some things, making amends. It's what you have to do and I won't stand in your way."
"Thank you, Abi."
''Abigail. I'm doing it for Birdie, but I'm also doing it for me. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of feeling like a victim." She brushed past him because she didn't want him to see any weakness inside her. She'd refused to show the world her pain. She'd stiffened her spine and stuck out her chin for so long that anything softer made her feel odd. Not that she'd forgiven him. Not that the anger had dissipated. But maybe for the first time ever, she had the desire to consider forgiving.
The image of Leif’s blue eyes twinkling at her appeared in her mind.
