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How’d it go today?Christy asks by text.
Mammo, ultrasound, biopsies on two places, one on each side. Now I wait.
Ugh, the waiting is the worst. I won’t send platitudes or tell you everything will be fine. I’ll only say I love you, and I’m praying for the best possible news.
Thanks. I may go insane before I find out either way.
I know how hard it is to not think the worst but try not to go there until you have to, which you may not.
Trying. Harder than it seems.
You want me to come over?
Nah, that’s okay, but thanks for asking. Love you.
Love you, too. Call if you need anything, even in the middle of the night.
Xoxo
I’m about to put my phone down and go back to the fetal position when it chimes with a group text from Adrian that includes me, Gage, Roni, Derek, Christy and Joy.
I’m reaching out to a small sector of the brain trust because I need to decide about letting Wynter take care of Xavier when I’m at work. She really wants to do it, and you guys know I love her. We all do—and she’s great with him. It’s just that there’s something giving me hesitation that I can’t put my finger on, which is why I need your opinions as the wisest people I know. I also fear a huge setback for her if I decide to go in another direction, and I’d hate to be responsible for that. Help! What should I do?
Joy responds first.I have a few things to say about this. First, it’s not your responsibility to prevent a setback for her, so don’t take that on. Your only consideration should be what’s best for your son. With that said, I’ve seen her with him and agree she adores him, is good with him, and he loves her right back. Your hesitation is most likely rooted in the fact that Wynter can be a bit unpredictable at times, but I have no doubt whatsoever that Xavier would be safe with her. I hope that helps a little.
Derek chimes in next.I agree with Joy on all points. Maybe you could do it on a one- or two-month trial basis, so you have an out if it’s not working for you? I’d also suggest some sort of written employment agreement that spells out all the expectations on paper. Hopefully, that would protect your friendship with her if the nannying doesn’t work out.
Lawyer Joy should’ve suggested that. I agree with Derek.
It’s such a big decision to leave your child with someone,Roni says.You should do whatever you feel is right for Xavier and for you with no regard whatsoever to hurting anyone’s feelings. That said, I love Wynter and think she’d be a great nanny to Xavier. But what matters is if YOU think that.
I read and reread their replies before I type mine.Not sure what I can add to the great suggestions above other than that you’re a wonderful father to Xavier, Adrian, and just by asking our opinions, it shows you’re doing your due diligence. You could hire a professional nanny who’d probably know all the important stuff about babies and their milestones, etc. But that nanny wouldn’t love Xavier like Wynter already does. So, there is that…
I keep waiting—and hoping—Gage will chime in, but he doesn’t.
I knew y’all would have the answers, Adrian says.I love the idea of a trial period and the employment agreement, and you’re right—Wynter already loves my guy, which is a huge plus in her column. This stuff is so hard! You parents out there need to tell me it gets easier!
Christy responds withHahahahahahahahahaha. Believe it or not, the infant/toddler/little kid years are the easiest, so enjoy them before shit gets real.
What she said,I reply, using the up-arrow emoji to point to Christy’s response.
Damn, that’s not what I wanted to hear, Adrian says.LOL. Thanks for the heads-up that it gets harder from here.
It also gets easier,I add, just so we won’t totally freak him out.When they can feed and bathe themselves, get themselves dressed, etc. Of course they’re also talking at that point, which brings its own challenges. HAHA
LOL,Adrian says.Good to know. I’m so, so thankful to have you guys in my life to help me with this stuff. Sadie would know just what to do about all this, but I’m like a deer in headlights trying to figure it out.
You’re doing great, bro,Derek says.Just keep doing what you’re doing. You’ve got this.
Thanks again, guys. I’m going to ask Wynter if we can meet for coffee tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted.
I find myself rooting for both of you,Joy says.Love you both.
Love you, too,Adrian replies.All of you. Talk soon.
Between my conversation with Christy and the group chat with Adrian, I’ve managed to kill an hour I would’ve spent rocking in the corner. Wild Widows to the rescue once again. Since I’m already feeling emotionally fragile and desperately need something to do to get me through what promises to be an endless night, I decide to venture into Mike’s office to begin cleaning it out so I can use it going forward.
We donated his clothes a long time ago, keeping something special for each of the kids, but I’ve stayed out of this room for the most part, knowing it would be the toughest thing to conquer. He called it his man cave-slash-office and kept most of the treasures that meant the most to him in here. From the airplane models on the shelves to the framed certificates on the wall that document his career as a pilot to the faint scent of the cologne he wore all his life, Mike is very much alive in here, which is why I’ve avoided it until now.
