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You’re making me forget him completely right now.
Good,he replies.
I still feel like a jerk for unloading all of this personal stuff on you. I’m really sorry,I say.
Stop apologizing!he replies.Look, I’ll tell you something personal about me to make you feel better, okay?
I bite my lip, waiting to hear something,anything, personal about Drake. It feels like a window into a world I’m not supposed to see into. And I have my suspicions for what he’s about to admit. Like him admitting to fucking a teacher back in high school or having a threesome once or something mildly embarrassing. I do not expect the message that pops up next.
I haven’t had sex in almost ten years.
My eyes nearly pop out of my head.Ten years? I’ve seen his body on camera, and yeah, it was a little dark, but it was definitely in shape and absolutely nothing to keep hidden from women for a decade.
Wow,I respond.
You’re speechless, aren’t you?
A little bit,I reply.Wait…are you a priest?
LOL. No. I’m not a priest.
Then…how?
The typing bubbles bounce on the screen for a moment as I wait for his response.
I don’t know. I just found sex to be so unfulfilling. There was never a real connection, no spark. So after a while, I just stopped trying. And time got away from me.
It feels like he’s pulling these words directly from my own brain. Feelings I’ve felt before. And, obviously, I can’t relate to the sex part, but I know the lack of connection part very well, as if the sincerity in people is gone and nothing feels real anymore.
I know exactly what you mean. It’s like…no one really sees you.
Exactly.
So wait…I say.You clearly do other things, right?
Ha ha, like masturbate? Yes, I still do that.
You’ve seen me do that, remember?
Oh yeah.
Duh,I reply.I almost forgot about that.
How could you forget about that? It was one of the hottest nights of my life.
Can I tell you another secret?he asks.
Of course.
That was my first time on an app like this.
You mean I’m your first?I respond with a smile.
First and only. You popped my cherry,he says, and I’m smiling from ear to ear as I type my reply.
Good. I like being the only girl for you.
An hour and a half goes by while we chat, and the subject never comes back to Garrett and the way he humiliated me this week. Instead, we talk about life in general. Our favorite things and our jobs. He tells me stories about work and his friends.
