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The kettle whistles loudly, saving me from having to respond to that statement.
When she turns back, filling our mugs with water, I see a contemplative look behind her eyes. “I’m glad he came,” she says quietly.
“Me too, for once.”
“It’s good to see him smiling so much. I worry about him sometimes.”
I pause, my eyes lifting to her face. “Worry about him how?”
Her jaw clenches as she stirs honey into her tea. “Garrett…has always had…high highs and low lows.”
As I reach for my mug, I let those words sink in, trying to fit them into the picture of the man I know. Does Garrett have low lows? I don’t think I’ve ever seen them.
“Can I ask you a question?” I say carefully. Before I continue, I turn, glancing around the corner to the living room, and see him sleeping soundly on the recliner.
“Yeah, honey. Of course.”
Then, I broach this one cautiously. Why am I so nervous to ask this? “What did you mean yesterday when you said it was nice to see Garrett running again?”
Her eyes stay fixed on my face for a moment before she lets out a long sigh. Pulling her tea bag out, she squeezes it around the spoon before tossing it in the trash. Then she brings the cup to her lips and blows against the steaming liquid. I wait patiently for her answer.
“I’m trying to decide how much I’m allowed to tell you.”
I swallow the lump in my chest. I knew there was more I didn’t understand, and I’m dying to know, but I’m also terrified. I’m not sure why. Knowing something so private and personal about Garrett feels like an invasion of his privacy.
Finally, she puts the cup down and takes a seat on the stool across from me. “When Garrett was younger, he used to get in these…moods. Dark moods and benders. Almost as if someone flipped a switch and the bright, happy light inside him just went out, and then he would disappear for days, doing God knows what. I worried about him so much. But then he started running, and when he went to college, things seemed to get better.
“Then about ten years ago, he started a new job, and things were going well. He seemed to be thriving. And then suddenly…the light switch flipped off again.”
“What happened?” I’m leaning over the counter, whispering so he doesn’t hear.
“It was your thirteenth birthday. He didn’t answer my calls all week and then showed up at the house a complete mess. We got in a little fight and then he stormed off.”
The lifeless expression in her eyes is harrowing. As if she’s reliving a nightmare. I’m hanging on her every word, feeling my heart crack and wanting to immediately run into the living room and curl into his arms to hold him.
“What happened?” I whisper.
“Your dad and I went to his apartment.” Tears brim in her eyes. And I wait for her to finish, but suddenly, she shakes her head and blinks away the tears. “I don’t want to tell you this part, Mia. It’s not…not how I want you to think of Garrett. He wouldn’t want me to.”
My chest is heaving and I’m left with my mouth hanging open. “But he was okay…” I say, as if knowing he survived whatever it was, is enough.
“He wasn’t okay. But he is now.”
Tears sting my eyes, and suddenly, my chest feels so heavy it’s impossible to pull in a breath. I don’t know what she means exactly by,wasn’t okay,but it’s pretty clear that we almost lost him. And I had no idea.
“Why don’t I remember this?”
“You were only thirteen. You went to your friend’s for the weekend, so you had no idea, and I didn’t want to worry you.”
“But he’s my—”
“Exactly,” she says, interrupting me. “As much hell as Garrett has given you over the years, he has always looked out for you. He wanted you to see him as the funny and sometimes annoying big brother and protect you from the dark stuff. I shouldn’t have told you this much, but you’re an adult now.”
I close my mouth and lean back, unable to see this version of Garrett behind the one I know. And my heart suddenly feels blindsided. How have I spent the last decade hating him so much when he’s only been trying to protect me?
* * *
Garrett is still asleep after we finish our teas. I decide to go up to my room alone and catch up on some unanswered messages on the app. I sent out a blanket statement to my regular patrons that I’d be on vacation for a few days, but quite a few have still reached out.
