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This response surprises her. “Oh. Well…that’s great. Someone new to kink too?”
“Yes…”
She can obviously sense my hesitation. “Maggie, relax.”
“I’m trying, but this stuff scares the hell out of me, and he’s so eager, and I love the idea of having fun with him, but what if I fuck it up? What if I hurt him? Or he doesn’t like it? Or—"
“Here, take this.” She’s putting her drink in my hands, and the next thing I know, I’m sipping down straight vodka. My cough feels like fire as I hand it back to her.
“Okay, first of all, you’re too worried about his expectations. His safety…sure. That’s important, but you’re too codependent in your sexuality. You’ve trained yourself to believe that your pleasure relies on theirs. You’ve been trained to be a people pleaser and a service lover. But what you need is to be dominant and take your pleasure without obligation to anyone else.”
“Well, I want him to enjoy it,” I argue.
“But that’s the point, Maggie. It’s not about him, not really. If he’s a real sub, serving you is what he wants, no matter what that means. It’s not selfish. It’s literally what the entire dynamic is all about. Stop worrying about whathewants. What doyouwant?”
“That’s the problem, Eden. I literally don’t know. I feel broken.”
She opens her mouth to reply with a look of sympathy on her face when a familiar voice pops up behind me.
“What are you guys talking about?” Charlie hops into the seat next to me, and my cheeks burn with embarrassment. God, how much did she hear?
Eden doesn’t reply, just stares blankly ahead, waiting for me to take the lead on that question.
“Umm…”
Realization dawns on Charlie’s face. Then she gasps. “Wait, is this about the quiz you took last week?”
My face falls as her smile only grows. “Did you find someone?” she asks with even more eagerness.
I drop my face into my hands, without responding to her.
“You know…Charlotte might be a good person to talk to. From the sub’s perspective.”
“Oh yeah,” Charlie replies. “Ask me anything.”
I let out a groan. If only they knew the truth. Charlotte is literally the last person I could imagine talking to about this. Considering the submissive in question is her ex-boyfriend. Oh, and her Dom’s son.
Talk about complicated.
“Maggie is struggling with what to do with her guy. She’s too worried about him not liking it,” Eden answers for me.
“Well, whatever is on the checklist is fair game,” Charlie replies. “Emerson and I try stuff all the time, and some of it is great, but sometimes, it’s too weird and I don’t like it.”
I groan again. I don’t know if I can listen to this, but also…my curiosity is piqued. “It doesn’t make you mad, to do stuff for him?” I ask.
She tilts her head to the side as if this question is crazy. “No. It doesn’t make me mad. It makes me…happy in a weird way. I can’t explain it, but pleasing him pleases me.”
“Does he ever let you have control?” I ask, suddenly full of questions.
Her mouth lifts into a coy smile as she fights a blush. “Sometimes.”
I lean forward. I couldn’t imagine Emerson submitting if I tried, and I’m trying. “Really?”
“Yeah. It’s good to switch it up from time to time. To get the other person’s perspective. It’s weird but fun.”
God, I can’t believe I’m about to ask this. I just need to pretend these are two random people I don’t know very well as I say, “What sort of stuff do you do when you’re…in charge?”
Their eyes light up simultaneously. “Anything I want. I’ll blindfold him, tie him up, tease him until he’s begging for mercy—but not literally because that’s our safe word.”
