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He entered me slowly, his gaze on me the entire time. I couldn’t look away or escape the intensity in his eyes. It seemed like he was all-in. Only time would tell if he wasn’t.
He lowered his lips to mine, and I forced the worries and doubts away. I’d enjoy the moment. I wasn’t sure how many more I’d get. I knew things only lasted for so long. Nothing good lasted forever. And that seemed too good to be true.
He intertwined his fingers with mine on either side of my head, moving slowly in and out. It was like he was trying to show me he was consistent, reliable, and would never leave. But that was impossible. He had no idea what was going through my head. The things I worried about. The loneliness I saw in my future.
Tears stung my eyes, but I kept them at bay. Nick was observant. He’d want to know why I was overwhelmed with emotion and couldn’t explain it.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said, punctuating his words with a kiss.
I let his words wash over me as he increased his pace, hitting a spot deep inside, creating a ball of need that built. Whimpers escaped my lips as he drove me higher. He rested his forehead against mine as we went over together.
I bit down hard on my lip as the sensations threatened to overwhelm me. I squeezed my eyes shut to stem the flow of tears.I was in love with this man.
He nestled his face in my neck, pressing his lips to my skin. My heart squeezed, and I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t express what I was feeling. I’d never been able to trust words. Actions always spoke louder. Would he stay? Or would he leave at the first sign of trouble?
He rolled to his side, facing me. “Is everything okay?”
“Of course. I just need to go to the bathroom.” He let me go and I didn’t breathe deeply until the door shut behind me. It was too late. I’d already fallen for him. I just hoped it was merely the heat of the moment and I could pull back in the light of day.
I peed, washed my hands, and threw cold water on my face. Patting it dry, I took a deep breath before opening the door. I was positive Nick would want to talk about what just happened, but all I heard was soft snores. He was asleep.
Maybe I’d imagined the intensity. It had been a long day, and I was tired. I settled next to him in bed, not wanting to wake him.
Nick wasn’t Seth. He wouldn’t run at the first sign of trouble. But no matter how many times I said the words to myself, they didn’t sink in. It was too hard for me to believe someone would stick around. It seemed impossible.
There was a lump in my throat I couldn’t quite get around. A piece of me thought I wasn’t good enough for Seth and that was why he left. That it had nothing to do with the baby we’d created together.
What if I was right all along? What if everything came down to me, not Hunter? The resulting pain exploded in my chest, ricocheting through my body and out to my limbs. That time, I couldn’t stop the tears from overflowing. I quickly swiped them away, not wanting Nick to wake up and see. I finally rolled so that I faced away from him and tried to stifle any sound.
I was in love with someone who couldn’t love me. Because the bottom line was that I was unlovable. No one stayed around. I sank into despair. Disheartened and exhausted, I finally fell asleep.
Twenty-Two
NICK
The next morning, I woke before Abby. She was sleeping peacefully on her side, her hands tucked under her cheek. I wanted to stay, but I didn’t want the boys to see me leave the guest room. I’d get the boys breakfast and let her have a few more minutes of sleep. It was one more way I could take care of her.
Mixing the batter for pancakes, I couldn’t dismiss the sense that something was wrong. I went through my head, trying to find a moment last evening that didn’t feel right, and I couldn’t. We’d made love last night. Maybe that’s why I was on edge. I wasn’t sure if she felt the same.
Abby kept things bottled up tight. I knew she’d been hurt in the past and was reluctant for any commitment, but surely, she’d changed her mind. What we had was special. Besides, she told me she’d stay. I’d meant more than the night. I’d meant for the foreseeable future. And I hoped she was telling the truth when she said she would.
I heard noise in the living room as the boys woke. It sounded like they were throwing pillows at each other, so I quickly dried my hands and went to the living room. “Miss Abby’s still sleeping. I’m making pancakes. Can you keep it down?”
Both boys scrambled to their feet, leaving the blankets and pillows on the floor, and ran toward the kitchen. I guess they didn’t know what it meant to be quiet because their feet sounded like a herd of elephants.
I followed behind them, giving up on the idea of them being quiet. I checked the pancakes, then flipped them over. I told the boys to set the table and get the orange juice from the fridge.
When I had a stack of pancakes on a plate, I set them on the table and watched them disappear. Two boys ate a lot of food. So I mixed more batter and made a few more for us.
When Abby finally came into the kitchen, her hair was wet, but she wore the clothes she’d had on for the wedding last night.
“You sleep well?” I asked nonchalantly as if I hadn’t been next to her all night.
She nodded as she tucked a chunk of hair behind her ear. “You made pancakes.”
“Thought you might be hungry.”
She smiled softly. “Starved, actually.”
