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“Who wandered into the woods at night. You’ve been on those mountains. You know there are wild animals.”
“And you don’t know Belle. She could take care of herself. I taught her how to shoot and tie a rope. And I helped her purchase a switchblade and…” What the hell was I doing?
“Hmmm… She sounds an awful lot like a girl who’d tried to convince you more than once that she could handle herself just fine. It’s funny how you told that girl that she had no clue how to take care of herself just because she’d been taught how to shoot and had taken martial arts courses.”
I tipped my head, allowing a smile. “I guess if I tell you that it’s different you won’t believe me.”
“Not a chance, buster.”
As I cupped her face, she leaned in. “Losing her nearly destroyed me.”
“Did you ever find out for certain that she was killed by the fire and not something else?”
Sighing, a feeling of exhaustion made it difficult to think clearly. “No. The fire burned so hot that trying to dig through the rubble in order to find her remains wasn’t possible.”
“I’m certain you did everything in your power to save her.”
“I guess I did. My buddies had to pull me out of the flames. We were cornered by the flames, a slim chance of getting down the mountain. Then we ran out of time.”
“Have you been back on the mountain since then?”
Half laughing, I finally shook my head. “I don’t think I can face getting anywhere near Sapphire Ridge.”
“Until you do, you’ll never be free of the noose you tied around your own neck. You need to forgive yourself, Phoenix.”
“Easier said than done.”
“I understand.” She crowded next to me, resting her head on my chest. Having her close allowed me to take a deep breath. “That’s why you don’t use your given name any longer.”
“That’s one reason.”
“The war the second.”
“Go to sleep, little bird.”
She playfully punched my side. “I had a teacher I admired and respected around the time I was fighting with my mother on a daily basis. That was right before I… well, it doesn’t matter. Anyway, she told me that peace of mind can only come from within and only after you’ve let go of the anger, replacing it with doing good for someone else. I didn’t really understand what she meant or maybe I didn’t want to believe that I should stop being enraged with my mother, but I get it now. I can’t change my parents or the past. All I can do is to try and give back to those who are really in need. I hope that makes sense.”
“More than you know, my sweet girl. More than you know. I want you to understand something very clearly. The way I feel about you has nothing to do with Belle. Nothing. You are the light I’ve needed for a long time.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
As she snuggled close, I stared at toward the wall, shadows forming in the darkness. I’d been spending my entire life sulking, wallowing in self-pity, fighting against demons that I’d never beat. Maybe it was time to do something else.”
I pulled the covers tightly around her then closed my eyes. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I had a feeling I’d get a good night’s sleep.
* * *
“You can’t save him,” my buddy called. The buzzing sound of gunfire all around us was a clear indication we were in significant danger, the enemy closing in.
“We’re not leaving him out here!” I yelled through gritted teeth, the pain from the bullet wound in my side agonizing, but I refused to leave my teammate out here to die.
The motherfuckers would torture him first.
“Come on, Ronny. We can do this together,” I told him, trying to hold my shit together as blood spewed from his mouth.
“Leave… me, Phoenix,” he managed, the gurgling sound a clear indication his insides had been ravaged.
“Not a fucking chance.” I hoisted him over my shoulder, ignoring the blinding pain. The darkness was oppressive, the shouts coming from the insurgents getting closer.
