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I turned in his arms to face him. In the low light of predawn, I could just make out his intense brown eyes fringed with dark lashes, blinking slowly as he became more fully awake. I always felt closest to him in the first few minutes of our day, wrapped in his arms, remembering a passionate night of making love followed by talking way too late into the wee hours.
Tomorrow morning would be different. We would wake up in Luka Kovac’s house, fake smile our way through a second meal with him, Izak, and their guests, then return to our lives, which for TJ meant HEAT, and for me meant my lonely house. I’d never thought of it that way before I’d met him. But when I’d gone home last Sunday, thinking I’d never be in his arms again, I’d realized this wasn’t just a fling. Then he’d said those words to me over the phone. Words we’d never discussed again.
TJ stroked my cheek. “What are you thinking?”
So many thoughts that I didn’t know where to begin. I took the coward’s way out. “Have you ever been to an overnight dinner party? That’s weird, isn’t it?”
“I have,” he said. “I don’t know if it’s weird, but it does seem indulgent, expecting your guests to want to stay with you for—what?—eighteen hours?” He propped himself up on one elbow and furrowed his brow. “This must bring up bad memories for you. The harbor cruise was supposed to be a dinner party, then turned into an overnight event when the Carbonados crew faked an engine problem.”
“Oh, God, I hadn’t put that together. I thought I was just having a bad case of nerves, but this does have eerie similarities.”
“One big difference is, this time, I’ll be with you. I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe.” He cupped my cheek. “We screwed up last time, not realizing you and Brooks had been detained after our agents left the ship. I won’t leave without you this time.”
I propped myself up to look into his eyes. “That wasn’t your fault, and you saved my life.”
“It was a team effort.”
“That’s not what I mean. Yes, it was a big, coordinated effort, and Kessler and Li are the ones who literally carried me to safety. But I was broken when I came out of the hull of that ship.” I blinked back tears, remembering the deep, dark hole that was inside me, a hole I’d thought I’d never fill again. “It’s taken months, and I’m still not entirely healed, but there was a moment when I knew I would heal. I was on a gurney, being lifted into an ambulance. There was a voice from somewhere. Honest to God—which I’m agnostic about, by the way—I thought it was an angel. Your words, your voice, your promise that I was going to be okay, that kept me going these past six months.”
“Thank you for saying that. Thank you for thinking the absolute best about me that a person could.” He kissed me softly, slowly. “A man could get used to the way that makes him feel.”
“Could? I was hoping he already had.”
He stared at my lips, then looked into my eyes. “Tomorrow, when all this is over, I hope our relationship won’t be.”
“So, what you said Sunday...”
“You mean the thing you said no comment about? Yes, I meant it. And I’ve wanted to bring it up again, but I didn’t want to distract us from prepping for tonight’s op. And in case you don’t feel the same way... Shit, I should have waited until tomorrow for this.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.” I traced the stubble on his cheek. “I want to keep seeing you, too.”
He frowned. “Before you agree to that, you should understand that I won’t be able to share things about my work. That’s a big part of my life that will be a black hole.”
“I know everything I need to know about you, TJ Russo.” I knew his heart and the way he loved: fiercely, unapologetically, whether it was his country or his team or his family. The way he was maybe beginning to love me. I pushed on his chest to make him lie on his back, then crawled on top of him. “And don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ll be happy knowing less about HEAT and its enemies. I think I’ll sleep better at night.”
He curled a lock of my hair around his finger. “As long as you still wake up the same way every morning.”
I grinned. “What way is that?”
With one swift move, he flipped me over onto my back. “Let me show you,” he whispered against my lips. And he spent the next hour doing just that.
15
TJ
I walked into the Kovacs’ party with a goddess on my arm.
Ashlee had her hair swept into an updo again, this time with a few long, curly strands left loose around her face. I liked to think that was just for me. She had on a lighter layer of makeup than she’d had two weeks ago, so some of the freckles on her nose and cheeks showed through it. Also, I hoped, for me. And when I could tear my eyes away from her face, I could take in her gorgeous curves tucked into a sleeveless navy blue, beaded gown, with a sweetheart neckline, as she’d informed me on the drive here after she’d caught me ogling her cleavage more than once.
She’d offered me a slew of compliments on my blue suit that matched her dress, and a light blue tie that was the color of the topaz she wore on a chain around her neck. The cameras in my tie pin and her topaz captured everything we saw, and our imperceptible comms units picked up the conversations around us. The team would parse through each of those to collect all the intel we could on the guests.
“Ashlee, draga,” Luka said, taking her hands and kissing each cheek. “You look like a princess. Perhaps even more beautiful than a certain princess I met years ago when I was fifteen years old. And Mr. Russo.” He turned and shook my hand. He looked me up and down. I’d been checked out by scarier guys, although probably not more criminal ones. He winked at me. “I must say, I envy you both.”
“Cameras and comms are working perfectly,” Jensen said through the comms unit, from the van parked a tenth of a mile away. “And I’m piggybacking on their security system now, tracking where all the cameras are. Oh, gross.”
Ashlee and I glanced at each other.
“There are video feeds in the bedrooms,” Jensen said. “No audio, and nothing in the bathrooms, so at least there’s that.”
