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The sweet smell of fresh baked chocolate chip pumpkin muffins was the first thing I noticed, my mouth watering instantly. The second was the smiling, tall and slim, silver-haired woman coming to meet us. “Hello, you two!”
She wrapped us in a group hug, both of us awkwardly hugging her back. “Hi, Nana,” we both said.
“I’m so happy you could visit today. Breakfast is almost ready!” She bustled off to the kitchen, her long, plated braid swinging behind her as the two of us silently followed. “Ollie, grab the quiche from the oven so it can cool a little before I serve. Kasha, finish setting the table.”
Ollie and I didn’t even question the commands, rushing off to do the tasks assigned. The house was bright and open, natural light filtering through the large windows. Nana Aggie loved painting, every room with its own designated color and design to match the mood she wanted each room to portray. The dining room was my favorite, the table built into the half circle window, the rest of the room decorated with a misty blue and silver filigree pattern that she painted freehand. Floral plants hung in different spots, adding pops of bright purples, greens, and pinks. I wasn’t usually one for bright colors, but something about the filtered sunlight, fresh floral scents, and cozy seating created a peaceful ambiance; which was exactly what I needed.
As I placed the last pieces of silverware at each place setting, Ollie and Nana joined me, their hands full of different food options. We each loaded our plates, my stomach gurgling with the mingling of sweet and savory.
“Now that we’re inside, are you going to answer my question?” Ollie said between bites of spinach and goat cheese quiche.
“I don’t know why people keep asking me if I’m alright.” I stabbed my fork through a piece of crispy bacon, ripping it in two with my teeth. “It’s just getting annoying at this point when the answer is probably obvious.”
“I don’t know. I didn’t want to assume,” Ollie said.
“I am here, an hour away from my Compound, having breakfast with my Nana and brother instead of being a proper Beta and welcoming my new Alpha to Seathra.” I gave him a pointed glare. “Tell me how that equals alright?”
“Moonlight, we only ask because we care about you.” Nana patted my hand, her weathered, wrinkled skin soft against mine.
My chest warmed at the nickname my mother had originally given me, hand gently grazing the black tattoo on my left shoulder: poppy flowers crawling toward the word moonlight scrawled along my collarbone. Lucas had done the design for me on what would have been my mother’s fiftieth birthday four years ago. It was my favorite tattoo out of all the designs inked on my body, each one with a specific meaning or representing an important moment in my life. They meant so much to me—to the point where, when I’d received my first one, I’d felt completed in a way I didn’t realize was missing. After that, I was addicted, resulting in a half sleeve on my left arm along with some lone tattoos on my ribs, back, and right shoulder.
They told my story, my truths, even when I couldn’t speak them out loud.
I focused back on the two people in front of me, their weary faces sending a jolt through my body. “I know, I’m just sick of people asking me. If I wanted to talk, I would.”
“That doesn’t sound like it will help ease your soul of the burden,” Nana said, her long face pinched.
I pulled my hand away from hers, the top burning from the contact. I knew they asked me these questions because they cared about me; they wanted me to open up in hopes that it would make me feel better. Everyone thought if you talked about the pain, then it would just magically disappear, but it wasn’t that easy. Maybe you would start to feel heard, maybe you would meet someone who has a basic understanding of the utter turmoil you went through, but it wouldn’t make the pain disappear. It would still be there, haunting you, poisoning you, tainting you. So, what was the point? Why burden those you love with your pain when you could contain it within yourself?
When you released pain into the world, it only troubled others instead of healing you. Then, most of the time, they treated you like a little child who needed to be handled with care, as if anything they said would crack you even more. I’d already suffered enough by other people’s conscious decisions; I didn’t also need it from their unconscious reactions.
I sighed, softening my face with a warm smile. “If it eases your worries, I start my appointments with my new psycho-physician this week. So, I won’t be hiding my feelings for much longer.”
“Oh, that’s good!” Nana perked up. “I’m sorry your other one had to leave town.”
I shrugged, pretending it didn’t bother me as much as it did. “She was given a research opportunity she couldn’t refuse. I can’t fault her for that.”
“Who’s your new one?” Ollie asked, his blue eyes sparkling with a hint of grey from the filtered sunlight.
“I think her name is Vanessa,” I said. “The High Faction assigned her.”
Another repercussion of my mistakes eight months ago: High Faction mandated psycho-counseling every week. I had been given a break for the past month and a half as I waited for my new physician to move here and take patients. It had been a breath of fresh air, not having to open up about my feelings every week, but that reprieve was at an end.
Nana pointed her fork at me, her gaze grasping mine. “I may not agree with the High Faction, and that idiot son and other grandson of mine, treating their own so horrendously the past few months…but your counseling is important, especially if you won’t talk to us.”
I looked over to Ollie, the same sullen look on his face that I could only assume was reflected on mine. I hated how my actions had divided my family. My father had dedicated his entire life to Kazola and the Onyx Guard, having served as an Ibridowyn Alpha for over a decade before retiring and taking a seat in the High Faction. Just like his father and grandfather before him. We were a legacy family, groomed and born to serve our country in the Guard.
But, according to my father and my eldest brother, Caleb, my decisions over the past year had brought shame to that legacy.
A lump formed in my throat, remembering the cold stares and distant conversations that had happened. A chill ran up my spine, my head beginning to feel woozy.
Nope, this conversation was over.
“Help me, please, for the love of the Goddess, I am begging you. I cannot handle this right now,”I said mentally to Ollie.
“So, Nana, did I tell you about this girl I’m seeing?” Ollie said so nonchalantly, you wouldn’t have guessed it was a ploy to shift the attention from me to him.
Nana asked as many questions as she could about what I had to guess was either a made-up woman or a one-night stand. Of course, both Ollie and I knew, the potential for great-grandbabies would steal Nana’s attention in an instant. I gave him a quick wink, planning to give a proper thank you when Nana and her Varg hearing were out of earshot.
