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“Your actions were based on my decisions.” My fingers shook, the tips automatically touching the long, jagged scar that ran along my neck. “You were all doing it to defend and protect me.”
“Because we love you, Kas! We saw some truly disgusting things happen to you, and the High Faction let you down. We weren’t just going to stand by. We weren’t going to let him…” Beckett’s pale fingers curled around the arm of his chair, shaking, his jaw so tense I thought he was going to break it. His eyes flashed, a bright blood red overtaking the usual deep onyx brown. “You haven’t deserved anything that has happened to you, and we all chose to fight against it when you didn’t have the strength. That’s what family does.”
“I know,” I whispered, my insides tangling together, indiscernible emotions swirling in the pit of my stomach. “Everything you all did for me is a constant reminder that I can make it through these Goddess-awful moments.I just wish I could erase your pasts for you, make it so Nolan never found out what you all did.”
“None of us would go back and change our decisions.” Beckett’s voice was calmer, his eyes still tinged with red. “Are we nervous and scared how Nolan will treat us in the coming weeks over all of it? Of course. Butwe don’t regret what we did, we don’t regret defending you.”
The corners of my eyes pricked, tears wanting to escape, but I swallowed them down. Along with Ollie and Nana, the only thing that had gotten me through the past eight months was my Hierarchy peers. They reminded me why I was fighting. Although most days I struggled to accept it, to find my worthiness, it still warmed me. It helped me make it through the bad days.
Chapter Nine
I parked my cycle outside of the hospital, heart heavy while Istared up at the four-story building.
The only way to describe it was clinical, with its bright white brick stacked in a perfect square. Nothing fancy or exciting about it. I walked in, my pulse picking up its pace with each step I took to the psycho-physician ward, a path I’d come to know well over the three months I was forced to stay here. However, this time was different; I would be meeting with a new physician, someone I was expected to profess my overwhelming feelings to.
I’d just started to find trust in my last physician, these sessions actually helping me achieve a sense of calm and normalcy some days. Now I was about to start completely from scratch with this woman, Vanessa. Would she try and take me off active duty if she came to realize how unstable I could be some days? Would she think I was crazy? Or weak?
My hand hesitated over the door handle to the waiting room. I gnawed at my lower lip, taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I could do this, I continued to tell myself, pushing the door open into the tiny sitting room; the four chairs occupying the bland space were empty.
It only took a few moments before another door opened, a middle-aged brunette woman standing in the threshold, smiling. “You must be Kasha.”
I gripped the strap of my bag slung across my chest. “Yes, that’s me.”
“I’m Vanessa.” She extended her hand, my weary gaze settling on it before I grasped it back and gave her a quick shake. “Come on in.”
I walked into the office I had come to know, my skin prickling at some of the personalized changes; She had rearranged the furniture, so that the two chairs now sat directly across from each other as if we were in an interrogation room minus the table in between. She’d moved her desk to the far right and new, colorful artwork hung along the walls, helping to brighten up the space from the lack of windows. I hesitated, not sure exactly which seat I should be in anymore. It used to be easy with my last doctor—she had a couch she made me lie on.
“Choose whatever seat you want,” Vanessa smiled, coming up next to me, apparently reading my mind.
My posture straightened a bit, and I went for the chair facing the door, just in case. One should never have their back to an entrance if they wanted a fair fight. As if she expected it, Vanessa’s hazel eyes softened, watching me sit down and drop my bag next to me.
She settled in across from me, a leather-bound notebook in her lap and a stilo in her hand, a fresh pot of dark black ink on the side table next to her. I stared back at her, knowing the expectations that I would need to start talking about the past twelve months. I didn’t want to relive it again just because I was forced to see a new physician. I rubbed my palms along my thighs, my pants smooth under my touch.
“Nervous?” she asked.
“Why would you say that?” I retorted, although I knew it was a stupid question just based off the way I was posturing. I leaned back in the chair, crossing my arms and legs, holding them close to me in hopes they didn’t give anything away.
“Never mind.” She dipped the tip of her stilo into the ink before jotting down something onto the first page of her notebook. “So, how’s your day been so far?”
I blinked a few times, convinced I hadn’t heard the question right. “My…day?”
“Yes,” she said, eyes filling with an unreadable calmness that unsettled me a bit.
My grip tightened around my forearms. “It’s been busy. We had a new case come in with our new Alpha.”
“Sounds stressful.” She jotted something down. “Having to meet your new superior and start a new case at the same time.”
I took a good look at Vanessa. By the metallic edge subtly hidden under lemon and lavender, I knew she was a Shrivika. Her olive skin tone matched well with her hazel eyes and rounded cheeks. Her dark onyx hair reached her ribs, but it was half contained by a braid that sat on the crown of her head, keeping it pulled from her eyes. Her slender, athletic build was well suited for the flowing black pants and white silk button-up shirt she wore.
She looked perfect…too perfect. She wanted me to trust her, yet something gnawed at my stomach.
“Have you ever been on the Guard, Vanessa?” I leaned forward, elbows braced on my knees.
She shook her head. “No, but I can only imagine the stress and trauma one can go through during it.”
“Stop skirting around the subject.” I couldn’t help but call her out, her eyes widening a bit before returning to their unreadable calm. “You most likely read my file.”
She nodded. “I did.”
