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“I know. I do. Trying to figure out me.”
“Rosie is figuring out who she is without him. The only thing to do is be a man worthy of her, Tom. Through your actions and words. Be the best man you can be and she will decide if that’s enough.”
And that was the greatest challenge I faced on the muster. Not sheep, or wombats, or even the snow headed for us. Being the best I could and hoping I was enough.
I left Mum and the remaining biscuits to finish off an assignment, citing the publication from Rosie. It was at least worth a credit grade.
By midnight, my mind wouldn’t settle for sleep, preoccupied with missing items from my pack, sheep and Rosie.
I glanced out my window. A light was still on in the kitchen. Someone was up.
I went in search of tea and company, fully dressed with a beanie and coat, and my favourite mug, and gave the burrow under the steps a cursory glance. Nothing.Marked safe today from a wombat assault.
Ryan still up and making a fresh pot of tea.
“Don’t you sleep?” I held out my mug, and Ryan filled it close to the top.
He snorted. “Pot kettle black, little brother.” Ryan leaned back against the bench. “You okay?”
“Got a lot on my mind.” I didn’t want him to think it was the muster, so I took a chance, asking him a question I’d always wondered about. “When you broke up with Em, were you heartbroken?”
Ryan exhaled, pushing out his cheeks, letting the air slowly expel. “What the hell brought on that question?”
“A friend has to make some big decisions and was asking for my advice.” I licked my lips, hoping Ryan bought my little white lie.
He got up, walked to the sideboard and pulled out a whisky bottle with Stuart’s family’s label on it. “This type of conversation needs stronger tea.” He raised an eyebrow and, when I nodded, poured a dram in each of our cups and then sat back down.
“When things ended with Em, I was sad. I wasn’t angry or would say I missed her or … was heartbroken like I thought I should be. I know many people think Em and I should get back together, but we won’t. I’m definitely not her forever person, and I realised soon after we broke up that I wasn’t in love with her.”
“What if … you’ve had that lightning bolt experience of falling in love, but they don’t love you back?”
A log in the woodfired stove shifted, making a tremendous thud, causing me to jump.
“Have you—”
“Hypothetical. Christ on a chaise lounge, I’m only twenty-two.” I laughed, the sound sounding shrill and hollow to my ears.
“Sometimes, Tom. You are full of shit.”
“I—okay.” I slumped against the opposite bench with a sigh. “It’s me. Lightning bolt got me good.”
Ryan eyed me as he sipped his tea. “I haven’t experienced anything like that. But, I imagine if I did find myself with unrequited love, it would eat me up inside. I’d do everything I could to let them go and move on.”
“I tried that, and it didn’t work.” I sipped my whisky tea, and my brother was right. It hit the spot.
“Tom, who—”
“Never mind.” I finished the whisky tea with one large gulp and stood. “Forget I asked. Thought I’d throw it out there. I need to get some sleep.”
Ryan frowned. “Night, see you in the morning. And Tom?”
I paused by the back door, hoping he didn’t ask me anything about my dumb questions about being in love. “Yeah?”
“I heard about Ainslee. From Mum. Don’t hate on her for telling me. She actually asked me to talk to you before the muster.” Ryan’s face softened. “No matter what happens, with Ainslee or the lightning bolt individual, you can handle it, and we’re all here to help. Lord knows, you all were when Charlotte came along and she’s the light of my life.”
My eyes stung and I nodded.
“The muster will be fine. Your plan is well thought out. You’ve got this.”
