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Noah’sprivate ritual ending Shabbat had been different the day Adam told him he was no longer going to practice. He hadn’t wanted to make Adam uncomfortable, so he’d made them almost private, and he hadn’t broken the habit after Adam moved out. His blessings were barely above a whisper, lighting candles perfunctory, the ritual taking a back seat to his eagerness for distraction.
Checking his phone, he was unsurprised to find a text from Adam, letting him know that he was going to be late, but Talia was heading over by seven thirty and would meet him. Noah felt a small wave of anxiety he was determined to ignore, and he sank into his desk chair, firing up his laptop for the first time in twenty-four hours. Dusk had settled across the sky, glowing its last breath behind the tall trees, and he didn’t bother with the lights just yet.
It had been a week since Noah had seen Sylent’s life crumble on Twitter. His production company announced a delay on the release of his upcoming film and said he was taking a personal hiatus. All that seemed to contradict Sylent’s vague posts about second-guessing life, and people, and his career path, and for the first time, Noah felt compelled to reach out.
Before he could pull his computer close, his cat jumped up on his lap and kneaded at his thighs. The cat had been Adam’s subtle way of saying,I know you’re always going to be alone, and I don’t want it to be pathetic. With a sigh, he gave the cat a little scratch under his chin before shoving him away, then he tucked his knees closer to the desk.
His fingers hovered over the keys for long moments, but he wanted to give the man something more than what everyone else had offered. It was easy enough to fire up his webcam, to face it down at his hands rather than his face since he was terrified of being seen by anyone who might know him. He took a breath and hoped his skills hadn’t faded much after not using the language for so long.
‘Hi, Sylent,’ he used his porn name in spite of knowing his real name because he didn’t want to seem like a stalker. ‘I just wanted to say that I might not understand what you’re going through with relationships, but I know all about questioning everything you’ve ever known in life. I’m a huge fan of your work, and I hope we don’t lose you, but you have to do what’s best for you. You didn’t deserve this. I hope you’re okay.’
He checked it and rechecked it. His ASL was rusty and probably not entirely correct in grammar, but he remembered enough. As his fingers twisted through signs, it became like flowing water again, and he hoped reaching out to Sylent in his own language would offer him at least some small measure of comfort, assuming the man actually saw it.
His heart beat heavy with fear as he clicked a reply, making sure Sylent was tagged…and then he posted.
Before he could panic-delete the post, the buzzer rang, and Noah shot to his feet, slamming his computer shut. He rushed toward the door before he realized it was Talia and that he shouldn’t be in a huge hurry to engage with his brother’s girlfriend alone. Especially when his relationship with Talia could be better.
In truth, Noah had initially blamed Talia for the way Adam had walked away from their faith. He hadn’t considered that maybe his brother had been drifting since they were kids, and it had taken him this long to realize he was blaming the wrong person.
And that he shouldn’t have blamed anyone at all.
There was no delaying it now, though. He took a breath, then met Talia with a tentative smile. She thrust a pink box at him that bore the new label for the Lofty Latke across the top. He let out a smalloomphas the package hit him in the chest, and he took a few steps back as Talia shoved past him to get inside.
“Make yourself at home,” Noah told her softly. He moved to the table and peeled away the edges of the tape on the box. As the lid popped open, a familiar scent wafted out, and his heart clenched a bit in his chest. Nestled at the bottom of the parchment paper were several rolls of jachnun, looking perfectly crisped and glazed and exactly like he’d remembered. Bubbe had rarely made them, apart from special occasions.
They were temperamental and a pain in the ass to get right, and they took forever. So they were apology treats. They were comfort treats. They were something Noah had gotten a handful of times in his life when the grief of missing his father and losing his mother overwhelmed him. He hadn’t had them since long before Bubbe died. He didn’t even know Adam had the recipe.
His chest was tight when he looked up, and he saw Talia staring at him with a closed-off expression. “Adam said you’d know what those were for.”
Noah had to clear his throat before he could speak. “Ah. Yes. Thank you for bringing them.”
Talia nodded, the side of her jaw tense, her temple throbbing, which was easy to see with her hair pulled back so tight. She took a fortifying breath, then spread her hands almost in a surrender. “For Adam’s sake, I guess we should be friends.”
Noah couldn’t stop his eyebrow from lifting, from the words falling past his lips. “You guess?”
Talia flushed and looked almost…curiously at him. “I don’t totally get you, but Adam loves you, and I love him.”
Noah softened a bit. “I’m really glad to hear that. I just want him to be happy.”
Talia was silent a moment, then nodded. “I know. And I didn’t make things easy on you either.”
“No,” Noah agreed from behind a sigh. “We were both in the wrong.”
He wished he could change it, but he didn’t know how to just be normal for once. Not even in this important moment.
“Adam, uh…he explained why you were so upset,” Talia said, and there was just a hint of desperation in her voice. “I didn’t grow up like you, you know. My parents were totally assimilated. We have a Chanukah bush every year, and I left cookies out for Santa. I didn’t understand why something so archaic as keeping kosher mattered. My mom kind of talked me around, and I get it now. But you do know that it wasn’t me, right? I’m not the reason Adam is an atheist.”
Noah laughed softly. “Yeah, I know. He’s always had a mind of his own. I just…think I got lost after our bubbe died and I had to leave school.”
Talia nodded, not looking particularly kind but not looking as angry as she usually did. “I get it. I swear I do. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, and your brother just makes me feel like I can breathe again.”
Noah’s chest warmed with understanding. Talia wasn’t bitter at him for being so observant. As a Jew—even as a secular one—she still understood better than any gentile would. And Noah knew damn well Adam would never give his heart to someone who hated what they were—who they were—so he had no problem believing Talia had been acting out of ignorance, not malice. “I think he feels the same way about you.”
“So I’m forgiven for being an ass?” Talia chanced.
“Forgiven,” Noah offered easily and simply because he knew Talia meant it. She was a difficult woman but a good one. “And I hope I am too.”
