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When it was shut, Adam turned to his brother with a sigh. “I have to learn ASL now, don’t I?”
Noah bit his lip as he shrugged. “You don’t have to, but…”
“Is he sticking around?” Adam gave the armchair a dubious look.
“We didn’t have sex in it,” Noah groused.
“Have you had sex at all?” Adam sank down but kept to the edge of the cushion like he didn’t believe him.
Noah looked down at his hands. “It’s not exactly your business, but no.”
“No, or not yet?” Adam pressed. “He’s a porn star. He’s not going to be into this cute virgin act forever.”
Noah fixed his brother with a hard stare. “Are you trying to hurt me on purpose?”
Adam opened his mouth, then closed it again with a heavy breath. “No. I’m really not. I’m sorry.”
Noah bowed his head and shrugged. “I like him. And I don’t know if he’s going to stick around. I hope so, but it’s new, and it doesn’t feel right to put that kind of pressure on him with everything he’s going through.”
“Yeah, I saw.” Adam sighed, and it didn’t surprise Noah that he’d gone snooping. “There was that huge pile of bullshit on Twitter.” He stared down at his hands, flexed his fingers, and made a few nonsense shapes with them. “Is sign language hard?”
“Yes,” Noah told him because he wasn’t about to lie. “It’s just like any other language.”
Adam picked at the edge of his nail, then put his hands back in his lap. “Is he worth it?”
“I don’t know.” It was the most honest answer he could give. “I think being in customer service, it’s a good language to learn. You never know who might need it.” He swallowed thickly, then said, “I hope he is.”
At his quiet statement—raw with truth and fear—Adam looked up at him. His eyes were softer than usual, his tone quieter when he spoke. “I hope so too. And I’ll take prep tonight. Do you want me to open the store tomorrow?”
Noah opened his mouth to tell Adam no, to tell him it wasn’t his responsibility any longer, but he knew that wasn’t the case. He’d been working hard and standing in Adam’s way to protect him from the truth about Bubbe’s. Adam knew the bakery was in trouble, but he didn’t know how much because Bubbe believed Noah could shoulder the pain of debt and loss better than Adam could. And it was Noah’s fault for still believing that this many years later.
He had a moment of anger, of desperation, of wanting someone to go soft on him just because. Everyone in his family had laid their problems on his shoulders because he had been strong enough to take it, but he didn’t always want to be strong.
Sometimes he wanted to be able to break under Adam’s anger, under his mother’s refusal to live for her children, under Bubbe’s suffocating care.
He knew he never would. Not now, not after this long, but he was tired.
“I wouldn’t mind a day off,” he admitted. “Will your truck do alright?”
Adam blushed and glanced away, and Noah realized it was embarrassment. “I think I’ll be fine if I take a day.”
“It’s doing well, isn’t it?” Noah asked, and though he didn’t mean it that way, it sounded like an accusation.
“I don’t want this place to buckle under competition, but I want to do well, Noah.” He could hear the sharpness of Adam’s words rise with his defense, so Noah got up and crossed the room, kneeling beside his brother.
He touched Adam’s arm, felt the warmth of it under his long sleeve. “I want you to do so well that you never need to look at this place again.”
Adam stared down at him a long moment. “I don’t want you to suffer anymore.”
“I’m not,” Noah promised. “I have a plan.” He knew Adam would be devastated when it was all said and done, but he’d do nothing except pray until he told his brother the truth. He had to believe Adam was old enough now, mature enough, had been around all this long enough to understand why the bakery had to close.
They were one of the oldest shops on their street. That had to be enough.
“I’m sorry,” Adam said after a second. He stood, so Noah rose with him, and he took a step toward the door. “It’s been kind of a week, and it’s all been good, but…this is so new, you know? Falling for someone. Starting off on my own. It feels a little like I’m walking upside down.”
“I know the feeling,” Noah told him.
“I’m grateful that you let me go.” Adam reached up absently and pulled the tie from his hair. It fell in soft waves around his shoulders before he gathered it again, and Noah recognized the anxious gesture for what it was. “I think I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.”
