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He scrubs a hand over his face. “There’ve been too many fucking secrets between us. No more, do you hear me?”
“I can live with that.”
He walks to the bed and grabs my hand between both of his. “I never knew what I was looking for until I found you. You’re everything I never had and will never have again. Please, Mina, I beg you, fight for us.”
My stomach knots. “It’s not that simple.” I try to pull away, but he holds fast.
“I know, Minochka, I know. Hanna told me. She told me how sick you were, how you lost all your hair and vomited until you were so weak you couldn’t even make it to the bathroom.” He inhales sharply, as if the mental image is torture. “I know it’s been tougher than I can ever imagine, but this time, I’ll be here for you.”
I cup his cheek, trying to soften the blow. “The survival rate is low. Treatment may only prolong the suffering.”
His eyes take on a feverish light. “I’ve done my homework. There’s a new treatment. It’s still experimental, but the results are extremely promising.”
“The previous treatment was experimental. I paid a small mountain of gold for it, and here I am.”
“This is different. It’s more than stem cell transplants and blood transfusions and alternative healing and Reiki and whatever else you’ve tried. It’s revolutionary. Yes, it will involve some chemotherapy, but not as much as you’ve had before. The researcher who’s developing it is a genius. He’s not just doing research and clinical trials. He’s using volunteers. That’s why he’s making such big progress so fast. Please do it, Mina. I beg you. Do it for us. Fight for us.”
Tears blur my vision. “Yan, please… I don’t want you to go through the disappointment if it doesn’t work. When I told you not to fall in love with me, it was to protect you. Please don’t fall any deeper than you already have.”
He grips my shoulders. “Fuck that. I’m already going through it, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. I can never love you more than I already do. Nobody can.” His fierce gaze is bright with his own unshed tears, his hold almost too tight. “No matter how much distance you try to force between us, I’m going to hurt. I am hurting. I’ll take whatever I can get. A month. A day. A few minutes. I’ll give my life for just a moment with you.”
His hands fall away as if that speech has taken every last bit of his energy. The man facing me is crestfallen, crushed, lost. It’s as much as I can take.
Drawing in a breath, I hold out my arms like an invitation. When he bends down within my reach, I fold my arms around him and hold him close to my chest, my heart splitting open as I feel the tremors wracking his big, hard body. And as his tears wet my neck, I caress his stubble-roughened face, giving him comfort and reassurance the only way I can.
“Shh.” I kiss the top of his head, inhaling his strong, virile male scent. “Even if I’m not here, I’ll still be with you. That’s my promise. Always remember it.”
“Don’t talk like that,” he says in a thick voice.
“No more secrets, remember? We have to be honest. We have to accept death is a possibility, a very strong one.”
Yan pulls away to look at me, his handsome features desolate. “Marry me.”
“What?”
“Marry me,” he says with heated certainty. “Tomorrow. Here.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I’m touched, but…”
“But what?”
“I don’t want to make you a widower.”
“Maybe you won’t. I could die long before you. I could get killed on a job.”
“Don’t say that!”
“Don’t you see? What matters is now. I want you in every way. I want you to carry my name for however long we have. Time isn’t what matters. A year or fifty isn’t what counts.” He takes my palm and places it over his heart. “It’s what’s in here. It’s not how long. It’s how much.”
I try to blink my own tears away as more pureness and unequalled beauty, much more than I deserve, fill my heart, my soul, and all the hours left of my life.
“We’ll always belong to each other,” he says. “Now. Tomorrow. Until we’re both gone.”
My tears flow so fast I can’t control them any longer. I can only look at him as my heart bursts with love. The numbness I carried for decades is gone, washed away in the tsunami of emotions assailing my mind. With one touch, he made my body come alive. With his words, he did the same to my soul. Instead of being cold and empty, I feel.
He makes me feel so much.
“What do you say?” he asks, hope breaking through the darkness in his eyes to shine like a light on our bleak situation.
