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He didn’t want to hear any of this. I didn’t know why I was telling him.
“What?” he asked.
I stared, startled. “Uh… well…” I sat up, blinking into the darkness. “I’ve been in a state of turmoil ever since my sister disappeared. Flailing about, just running around in circles. And now…” I choked, shaking my head. “Now she’s dead.”
My voice broke on the last word as I clutched my throat in anguish, hunched over in grief.
Alexei sat up as well. “What can I do?”
I drew up my knees, burying my face in them. I could not stop crying, no matter how hard I tried. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be like this, but I can’t seem to stop.”
“Oh, baby…” He breathed affectionately, rubbing my back. It made me cry even more. “Your sister just died. Of course you want to cry.”
I tilted my body towards him, allowing myself to fall into his arms, and I buried my head in his shoulder. I breathed him in, taking comfort in his scent and his strong arms, so tight around me.
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
His chest and shoulders shook as he laughed. “What would you like me to do instead?” he asked as he petted my hair.
I pulled back, so I could look at his face. “I expected you to be angry with me.”
“For lying?” he asked sharply.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Well, Icouldbe mad, I suppose. I could make a fuss. But what good would that do? You had your reasons and I’m a pragmatic man. If someone took my sister, I’d do a hell of a lot more than pretend to be someone I’m not to get her back.”
His tone was even, but I could hear the slight tremor when he said ‘pretend’.
I reached out blindly, searching for a lamp to switch on. My fingers found the switch and turned it on. The light was soft and warm like being bathed in candlelight, just enough for me to see his face and for him to see my eyes.
“Not everything was a lie,” I said, making sure to meet his gaze.
“No?”
I shook my head. “No. Everything that happened between us was real for me. I need you to know that.”
His lips twisted and he lowered his gaze, probably to hide the expression in his eyes from me. “Except for the fact that you’re a nurse and not a stripper.”
“True…” I peered at him. “Does it matter to you?”
“Yeah, it does actually.”
My heart sunk.
He lifted his eyes and looked at me a twisted smile on his face. “In the sense that, as much as I hate to admit it, I’m a little hurt that you didn’t trust me, and that you thought I might be involved in your sister’s abduction.”
“I just…”
“No, no, don’t explain. I understand completely. Just… there’s no logic to feelings.”
“Well, if we’re confessing things, I gotta say I’m surprised you’re still here. I mean… I know the sex was great, but Marci was so clear that you don’t do dramaoremotions. And I am definitely bringing both.” I didn’t know why I was pointing this out to him if he hadn’t yet realized himself.
He huffed a laugh, sounding tired and defeated. “Yeah well… that’s true for most of the women I’ve been with. But we weren’tjustfucking. Hell, you think I ask just anyone to live with me?”
My heartbeat began to speed up. “I wondered, but I didn’t want to assume.”
“Well, I’m giving you permission. Assume away.”
