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“You’ll never be a burden. Ever,” he promises. “And no matter what it takes, we’re going to get you past the feeling that you’re always burdening everyone.”
“I wish I was that strong, but … I’m not like you. I don’t think I’ll ever get past that feeling, Ay. I’ve tried. God, I’ve tried, but I can’t get that worthless feeling out of my head.” My voice shakes.
Besides my therapist, Ayden is the only person in the world I’ve ever expressed my feelings to. And the only reason I did was because Ayden coaxed it out of me by telling me his story first and letting me know that he understands what I’ve gone through.
He doesn’t know everything about me, though. Like how I see things that aren’t real. I’ll never tell anyone about that. Otherwise, I’ll probably get locked up and be trapped again.
“You’re much stronger than me.” He moves beside me, resting back against the car. “You were with them for so long … I can only imagine the stuff you saw.” A shudder ripples through his body. “You survived it, Sadie. You came out of it, and you’re here. You’re working on getting your GED, and you moved out on your own. You’re trying so hard to move past what happened.” He turns his head toward me, looking me straight in the eye. “That makes you so strong and brave. I just wish you could see that.”
I squirm at his compliment. “I’m not really living on my own, though.”
He shakes his head, standing up straight. “Don’t try to twist around the compliment. Just own it, okay?”
I nod, knowing arguing with him is useless. “Thank you for the compliment.” Even though it’s not true. “And thank you for making me feel better. Sometimes I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I’m glad I can make you feel better. And I always want you to feel comfortable enough that you’ll talk to about anything that’s bothering you, okay? Even if you’re just having a bad day, promise me that you’ll tell me about it.” When I nod, he smiles then walks around to back of the car. “Sorry about Sage and Nolan just barging in.” He pops open the trunk. “I probably should’ve warned you it was going to happen.” He ducks his head and reaches for a few bags in the trunk. “I wish I could say it won’t happen again, but I knew when Lyric gave them a key, they’d be over here twenty-four seven.”
“It’s okay. They weren’t bothering me or anything.”
“You looked upset when we walked in.”
“Yeah, but that’s because …” I suck in a breath. “Well, Sage got a little too close, and I freaked out.”
He glances at me with a hint of anger in his expression. “Was he …? Was he hitting on you?”
I hurriedly shake my head. “God no. Can you even imagine that?”
A curious look crosses his face. “Imagine what? Sage hitting on you?” he asks, and I nod. “Um, yeah, I actually worry about that happening all the time.”
I snort a laugh, but my laughter dissipates as he gapes at me.
“Ayden, I know you’re my big brother, and you kind of have to believe I’m much cooler than I am, but really, I’m a hot mess.” I sigh, shaking my head at the memory of my mini freak-out in front of Sage and Nolan. Then I step up beside him and grab a couple of bags out of the trunk. “And anyone who talks to me for, like, two seconds knows that.”
“You’re not a hot mess. You’ve just been through some stuff.” He waits for me to get the last of the bags then pushes the trunk closed. “And trust me; Sage will hit on you eventually if he hasn’t already. It’s what he does.” His expression hardens. “And when he does, I’ll be right there to warn him to back the fuck off.”
A giggle escapes my lips. “I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re not that threatening. Lyric even says so all the time. That you’re, like, the sweetest guy she’s ever met.”
“I can be threatening when I need to be,” he says as we exit the carport and head across the grass toward the condo. “It’s my job, as your big brother, to protect you.”
“From guys like Sage?” I find the whole conversation oddly funny, mostly because we seem so normal at the moment, just a brother trying to protect his sister from a guy stomping on her heart.
“From every guy in the world. I want to protect you, Sadie … Like I didn’t before.” He swallows a lump in his throat.
“Ay.” My voice is soft. “I wish you’d stop saying that. What happened to me, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I’m still going to do everything I can to protect you.” He stares up at the sky, squinting against the sunlight, his expression carrying so much guilt it hurts my heart. “I’m never going to let anything happen to you ever again.”
I want to argue with him and tell him he’s wrong. What happened to me wasn’t his fault. But we’ve had the conversation at least a dozen times, and no matter what I say, I can’t seem to alleviate any of his guilt.
“Well, thanks for protecting me, but I promise Sage will never hit on me.” I keep my tone light, hoping to bring Ayden out of his guilty funk. “Especially after I tried to hit him in the face with my guitar.”
He looks away from the sky to me with his brow arched. “I know I should be surprised, but honestly, that’s not the first time a girl has tried to hit Sage with a guitar. Although, I’m really curious … Why did you?”
I quickly explain to him what happened, finishing up my story by the time we reach the front door of the condo.
“I’ll have a talk with both of them.” Ayden sets the grocery bags down on the ground and reaches for the doorknob. “They need to not just walk in like that.”
“I think they were just trying to be funny and scare you guys. They didn’t know I was here.”
“Still, I want them to at least get in the habit of knocking before they walk in. I know they’re my bandmates, but we need to have a little bit of boundaries.”
He’s just saying that for my benefit. Ayden is probably the most laidback and non-confrontational guy in the world. I don’t really think he’d care if Sage and Nolan barged in when Lyric and him were there. He’s just doing what he promised and trying to protect me.
I start to protest, but he’s already walking into the condo. Sighing, I step inside, hoping everyone has forgotten my breakdown by now. Or, will at least pretend they have.
When I see only Lyric in the living room, rummaging around in a box for something, I exhale in relief. Sage and Nolan must have left out the back door when I was out at the car. Thank God.
But the relief is short-lived when Sage strolls out of the hallway, twirling a drumstick between his fingers.
“Lyric, why the hell do you have one of my drumsticks in your stuff?” His gaze momentarily flicks to mine, his expression indecipherable.
“That’s so not yours, dude.” Lyric marches across the room and snatches the drumstick from Sage while Ayden wanders into the kitche
n to unload the groceries. “See?” She points at something written on the wood. “Ethan Gregory. Written right there. Not Sage Davis.”
He steals the drumstick back. “Ethan Gregory, huh? Didn’t know you got a name change. Kind of sounds dude-ish if you ask me, but whatever floats your boat.”
Lyric swats his arm but laughs. “Fine. It’s Ayden’s and Sadie’s dad’s drumstick, but that makes it more mine than yours.”
“How do you figure that?” he asks with a sparkle of amusement in his eyes.
Lyric places her hands on her hips. “Um, because Ethan likes me more than you. And so do Ayden and Sadie.”
“They do, huh?” Sage rubs his scruffy jawline thoughtfully. “Maybe we should ask Sadie who she likes more.”
Both of them look at me expectantly.
I squirm. “Um …” So awkward.
Ayden stops putting food in the cupboard, his lips parting.
Before he can say anything, I set down the bags in the entryway and elevate my hands in front of me. “Okay, I’m not going to answer that question, guys.”
“Only because you don’t want to hurt Sage’s feelings.” Lyric throws a smirk in Sage’s direction, flipping her long, blonde hair off her shoulder.
Sage’s eyes remain on me. “I don’t know, Lyric. I know you’re dating her brother, but I think she might be sparing your feelings.”
I want to shrink back from his intense gaze, bury myself in the ground where no one can see me, but I keep my feet planted to the floor. “I like you both equally. I promise.”
Sage’s mouth curls into a pleased grin, causing confusion to carve deep inside me.
“All right, Lyric, you can have the drumstick.” He tosses her the drumstick then turns around, casting one last glance over his shoulder at me before disappearing down the hallway.
“What are they doing back there?” Ayden asks, walking up to Lyric.
She shrugs, peering into the box she was digging around in. “I think they’re trying to help put the furniture together, but let me stress the trying part.” She sticks her hands inside the box and takes out a framed photo. “I love them to death, but unless it involves music and notes, those two suck at putting stuff together.” She positions the frame on top of the entertainment center then moves back to admire the picture of her and Ayden taken backstage at a concert. Both of them are smiling and look so content with their arms wrapped around each other. “That’s one of my favorite pictures of us.”
