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And beautiful and mine.
With a little sob, I stumble down the front walk toward him. He meets me halfway and grabs for me, pulling me into a tight hug.
I bury my face in his sweater. The familiar scent of him surrounds me—soap and coffee and fresh air and Chase. I can barely breathe because of the urgent strength of his embrace.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he mumbles against my hair. “I got scared and tried to run. I’m so sorry for hurting you like that.”
Because his words are as important to me as his hug, I manage to pull back enough to look up into his face. “If you were scared, you should have told me.”
“I know that. I knew it even as I was doing it.” There’s naked emotion on his face. Nothing like the relaxed blandness that he normally puts on. “But I was getting everything I’d always wanted, and I couldn’t believe it was real. I knew you couldn’t be in the same place as I was, so—”
I open my mouth to counter this statement since it’s clearly based on a wrong assumption.
But he’s on a roll and talks on. “I kept thinking the only way I could truly be safe is if I have everything from you. So anytime there was even a hint that you weren’t all in the way I am, I’d pull back a little more, trying desperately to keep myself safe.”
“But—”
“You don’t have to try to make it better. I did it all to myself. We had such a good beginning, and I know it could have turned into everything I want. But I didn’t let it. I kept reading into your comments and your silences both. I knew you were nervous about everything changing and assumed it was because you didn’t want me enough. Then you wanted to keep us a secret, which I took as a clear sign that you were holding back. Then I saw you with Dan—”
“Chase! There’s nothing going on between—”
“I know that.” His voice is hoarse, emotional. “I know there’s not. But I was kind of jealous of him before, since he’s always making moves on you, so—”
“He’s never once made a move on me!” I’ve decided to let him talk since it’s all pouring out of him, but this claim is so outrageous I can’t let it stand.
“He asked you to marry him.” Finally there’s a tiny glint of dry amusement in his eyes, a glimpse of his old self.
“He asks everyone to marry him!”
“Maybe, but he seemed kind of interested, so it was already on my mind that he was a threat. So when I saw you with him at the store yesterday—”
“Oh my God, Chase! You couldn’t possibly think—”
“I didn’t think you were doing anything with him. It just confirmed how new and tentative our relationship is, and it fed all my insecurities. I’m telling you clearly, baby, that you didn’t do a single thing wrong. It’s all me and my complete inability to accept good things in my life because there’s always a chance they can get ripped away. I was getting everything I want, and I sabotaged it. I’m not expecting you to be fine with it. I’m not expecting you to forgive and forget. I’m not expecting us to be where we were yesterday.”
“Chase, please, I—”
“I love you, Paige. I’ve always loved you, and there’s not much chance that will ever change. And what I’ve realized is that I love you enough to accept that I don’t need everything right away. I don’t need to feel perfectly safe. I can live with the possibility of losing you if it means I can actually be with you. You don’t have to be where I am. We can take it as slow as you want. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes until you can trust me ag—”
I can’t let him keep rambling no matter how much his earnest declarations are feeding the neediness in my heart. He’s hurting. He’s uncertain. He’s risking everything. Making himself completely vulnerable.
And I can’t let it go unanswered.
So I lunge toward him, pulling down his head and stretching up so I can claim his mouth, silencing his continued rambles with a kiss.
He doesn’t respond immediately. He was really on a roll, so he keeps mumbling a few things against my lips until his mind catches up. Then he holds completely still for several seconds until his responses finally kick in.
He grabs for my head and holds it hard in both hands as his mouth starts moving hungrily against mine.
I melt into the embrace, finally—finally—exactly where I’m supposed to be.
When we break apart, we’re both flushed and panting. He tilts his head down, scanning my face. “Paige?”
“I love you too! All the way. Forever. If you’d let me get a word in, you would have known about five minutes ago.”
He makes a choked sound. A blaze of joy ignites in his eyes. Spreads all the way through his expression. “You do?”
“Yes! I was afraid of telling you too. I was afraid I’d be moving too fast and expecting too much and being too much, too me.”
