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I’d never had anything but cheap clothes, and the negligee felt nice against my skin. It made me feel . . . good about myself.
Crisis crossed his arms and I couldn’t stop from glancing at his tatted biceps. Then my gaze trailed down his hard muscled body to strong thighs clothed in worn jeans hanging low on his hips.
God, where was my head? It was too early in the morning and I was wavering under the sweet clenching between my legs and the whirl in my belly. He was a rock star, a hot rock star who was always on social media. Triple hard limit.
“Haven? I just saw your door close.”
I cleared my throat and gestured to Crisis to get away from the door before my brother barged in, saw him and jumped to conclusions. He pushed away and came straight for me, his eyes sparking a mischievous glow.
My brother knocked again. “We’re going to brunch today at Georgie and Deck’s. I’d really like you to come.”
Fine. Crisis wanted to play . . . he froze halfway toward the bed when I raised my brows and smiled. He shook his head back and forth and mouthed, “Don’t do it.”
“Yeah, come in,” I yelled.
Crisis dove for the bed, threw the duvet up in the air and landed flat on his stomach, the cover settling over him just as Ream strode in. I lay frozen beneath the covers, my heart racing, and a whoosh of blood charging through my veins. My breath hitched as warm heated air brushed across my bare thigh and goose bumps popped up along my skin.
“Listen, if you don’t want to go, I won’t force you, but I’d really like you to. Emily missed seeing you last night and you know Georgie and Deck.”
If anyone could say they knew Deck.
Ream sat on the edge of the bed and I hastily bent my knees so the duvet tented and he didn’t notice Crisis’ breathing.
If he found him under the covers in my bed . . .
“I’d rather not. I have studying to do.” Crisis’ hand brushed against my calf and my heart leapt. I swallowed and shifted away, but it wasn’t far enough because my body knew he was there. My mind did, too, and I had no way to control the intense sensations roaring through me.
“I want you part of my life, sis.”
God, this was insanely awkward. I was completely turned on and my brother was sitting on the bed beside me.
Ream sighed and looked down at his hands. “I shouldn’t have left. I guess I thought with Olaf dead that you were safe and, well, you never seem to want me around. Any of us. ”
I stayed silent because I couldn’t lie to him. He was right, at least that was how I had felt. Not so much anymore. After years being a prisoner, trapped within a shell of a girl I’d never had a chance to grow into, I needed time alone, to heal, repair the holes, find who I was now, not who I’d been for twelve years.
He continued, “You know, if you want, I can teach you how to drive. I didn’t realize you were interested; otherwise, I would’ve offered before we left for the tour. I can buy you a car and—”
I stiffened. “Ream. No. I don’t want you buying me anything more. I already live here and you support me and pay for school.”
“You’re my sister. Of course I would.”
I saw the pain in his expression, the tight brows over his concerned eyes. He took so much of what happened to me onto himself. The drugs, the rape—he blamed himself for not seeing it. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Jesus, Angel.” He ran his hand through his hair. “It was. I should’ve seen what was happening. What Gerard was doing.”
“I hid it from you, Ream. I didn’t want you to know.”
He rested his elbows on his knees and put his head into his hands. “Why Haven? Why? You know I would’ve stopped it.”
I didn’t reach for him; I wasn’t in that place yet to do that with Ream. We were still so far apart even sitting next to one another. “I was scared.” He looked at me and I saw the tears in his eyes. “I couldn’t see you go back down in the basement again.”
He swore beneath his breath.
“Maybe it was my turn to keep us safe.”
“But you weren’t safe.” Ream’s voice raised and Crisis’ hand tightened around my calf.
“And neither were you,” I stated.
He was quiet for a second, then, “What did Olaf and Alexa do to you?”
“What happened doesn’t matter anymore.” My brother could never know about the club or about Charlie; he’d never forgive himself.
“Of course it does. Jesus. You matter. And I want you to feel like you can tell me anything.”
I met his eyes, refusing to waver as I said, “I can’t.” No, I wouldn’t.
“Then talk to someone else. Please.” He raised his hand as if to reach for me, but changed his mind and drew back.
He’d tried to get me to see a therapist Emily once had gone to, but there was no chance I was letting out the demons that lived lurking inside. I knew what would happen . . . I couldn’t survive the pain. I raised my chin and met my brother’s eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it with anyone. When I escaped, it ended. Gerard, Alexa, Olaf, they’re dead and so is what happened.”
The muscles in his neck throbbed and there was a moment I thought he’d fight me on it. “Yeah.”
I scooted up further on the bed trying to move away from Crisis, whose hand gently caressed my lower leg. I knew it was meant to be reassuring after what he’d just overheard, but I had a sweet ache between my legs and I needed to get away.
“You okay?” Ream had always been stoic and intense with this cool wash of distance to him. I’d noticed since I’d been back, he’d changed. Softer, although still overprotective.
