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“Standing in the aisle,” he says jokingly, but it comes out a little too sarcastic. I know he’s still confused: He was standoffish all period. I’m so nervous I think I might get sick.
I take a deep breath. “What I meant was: What are you doing after school?”
“Oh,” he says. “Yeah, I figured.” He pulls his backpack onto his shoulder and glances at the door: We’re the only people left in the classroom. “I’m probably just going home. Why?”
“I wanted to ask you…” I say, confidence seeping out of me with every passing second. I had it all planned out earlier, before I was actually standing in front of him. “I… do you want to come to my house for a little while? I still want to talk to you, and I need to… show you something.”
“At your house?” he asks, still confused, but curious, too. It calms me a bit.
“At my house.” I nod once.
“Don’t you have cheer?” he asks.
I force a cough. “I’m sick.”
“Okay, sure,” Sean says, smiling. “Lead the way.”
“This is where you live?” Sean asks, squinting down into the forest fortress twenty minutes later. His car is parked out on the main road and he’s next to me in the sedan just outside the gate. All you can see from up here is a small part of the roof.
“I don’t like Dave,” I say, ignoring his question.
Sean glances at me and says, “It’s none of my business.” I hope it’s just a defense mechanism; the aloofness bothers me.
“Do you seriously feel that way?” I ask quietly, eyes on the gate. “Because if you do, then—”
“No,” he interrupts. He looks away, out the window at nothing. “You’re making me crazy.”
“Good,” I say, smiling. “I mean, not good, but good that you… care.”
“I care.”
“Okay.”
I inhale deeply and blow it out. Then I punch the buttons to open the gate.
“So, as I was saying, I don’t like Dave,” I reiterate as I navigate the driveway with less fear than usual. “I mean, he’s nice enough, but I don’t like him in that way.” Pause. Say it. “I like you.”
I look at Sean and catch his half smile as he looks down at his hands. Then his eyes are on mine. “Then what’s with hanging out with him?”
“That’s one of the things I want to try to explain,” I say, parking in front of the garage. I turn off the car; he looks at me, ready to listen. “Not here,” I say. “Not in the car, I mean. We have to go inside. But I’m just warning you, I’m going to tell you some strange stuff. Your normal day ends now.”
Sean smiles at me like he did that night at the game. “I think I can handle it.”
I pause on the porch, thinking of all that’s about to change. Wondering for a beat if I’m doing the right thing, then remembering how confidently I told Ella and Betsey that we can trust Sean. Because we can; I know we can. And I wasn’t kidding when I said that I needed to tell him for me, too. I need to get my life back, a step at a time. Step one: Grab the door handle. I push through, my heart thumping hard in my chest.
“Come in,” I say quietly.
He walks tentatively into the house and immediately looks up. It’s hard not to do: The soaring ceiling with the colossal crystal chandelier in the center is attention grabbing, to say the least. Sean’s eyes travel up the grand staircase and across the balcony until they meet walls where the bedrooms are. I watch as they continue to meander up, up, and up.
I clear my throat.
“Sorry,” he says, eyes on me now. “But your house is sweet.”
“Thanks,” I say, kicking off my shoes. Sean copies me, and I start up the stairs. “Let’s go.”
I pause on the second step from the top. I know that they know we’re coming—their nervousness is making mine snowball. I turn to face Sean; he’s two steps behind me, so I’m taller than him. “Ready?” I ask.
“Okay, now you’re starting to freak me out.” My face must look as worried as I feel, because he grabs my hand. “Hey,” he whispers, “I’m fine.”
