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There was no room at the counter, so once I got to the very end, I turned around, forcing myself to withstand the blow of how good he looked up close in that T-shirt, and hitting him right away with eyes that represented everyt
hing I was feeling right now.
Anger. Bewilderment. Hurt.
As he stood a foot away, just looking down at me, I ran my stare all over the cotton stretched over his shoulders and chest. Looked him up and down as if to make sure it was him before I settled on the only question I could think of.
“What are you doing, Iain?”
He swallowed. Wet his lips and looked away for a second. I was sure he’d have an answer by the time he looked back, but he didn’t. All he did was look at me. And he didn’t even look sorry about it.
“What happened after your last text to me?” I asked, refusing to let him do this again. To be that version of Iain. Silent. Closed off. Giving nothing away. “You still wanted me this morning, but then suddenly, something happened. And considering you were with my brother at the time, I guess what I should ask instead is what he said to make you act the way you’re acting right now.”
Iain didn’t move as someone bumped into him. He didn’t so much as blink as he kept his eyes locked on me.
“He made me realize that I made a bad judgment call,” he finally said.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means I made a mistake, Holland,” Iain said tersely. “That I got swept up. That I should’ve known better. It’s on me.”
“Don’t,” I said fast, shaking my head. “Don’t play the big brother card right now. It’s just you and me right now, and I’m not stupid. You know that, I know that, and we both know this is bullshit, so stop wasting our time and tell me the truth. What is going through your head right now?”
I didn’t take my eyes off of him, but I could see his chest move as he took in a deep breath.
“That this was never going to work, Holland.”
I ignored the steep drop of my heart to shoot daggers.
“Why not?” I demanded. And when he didn’t answer right away, I said fuck it. “Is it Camila?”
I practically rejoiced at the sign of life when Iain actually frowned—deeply too.
“What are you talking about?”
“Who is that woman at the table?” I asked. “The one you’ve been sitting with all night.”
His upper lip curled. “She’s one of your brother’s many friends, Holland, who I don’t give a single fuck about.”
“Then why are you with her and ignoring me? Knowingly hurting me?” I demanded, keeping my eyes pinned on him even as the crowd jostled me. “We both know this isn’t you, so don’t be a coward and just tell me what’s behind this sudden change of heart!”
“It’s not a change of heart, Holland,” Iain growled, close now as the crowd swelled around the bar. “It’s what I knew from the beginning. That I’m not the one for you. That this is wrong.”
“How so, Iain? Because no one gives a shit,” I argued. “Adam said it himself! He wouldn’t care if—”
“If I was dating you, Holland, not fucking you,” Iain hissed so harshly I reared back like he’d raised his hand against me.
In the silence that followed, I glared in awe at him, feeling my heart twist violently inside my chest.
“And that’s what you’ve been doing, right?” I asked softly. Furiously. “Just fucking me?”
He only stared, saying nothing. His eyes were cold and his jaw was tight, and when another few seconds passed without a word from him, I went off.
“For the record,” I enunciated, my voice trembling as I forced the tears away from my eyes. “I was ready to let you go. I was ready to move on because you were busy and a mystery, and I couldn’t trust you not to just disappear again. But then you came looking for me. You showed up at my apartment. You said you cared about me, and you acted like you needed me. You told me just this morning that all you wanted was to be with me, and if you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t be standing here right now looking at you like you’re a fucking asshole, and asking you what the hell your fucking problem is.”
Emotion choked my last word before I could get it out fully, and I hated the idea of crying in any form in front of Iain right now, especially when I’d yet to get an answer, so I forced myself to calm back down. Forced my voice to relax before I spoke again.
“Tell me why you can’t be with me,” I asked evenly.
