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Nothing can replace the time that I spent thinking about Susana. I have to try. I need to keep this promise considering how I messed up the other one. I feel like the biggest failure in the world because of it. I don't deserve to call her father my friend. I know I have feelings for her, I regret how I went about acting on them though. I hurt a number of people for one very selfish reason. Had I only been smarter about it, there could have been a better way to have worked things out between us.
It's too late for that now. I blew it and she's long gone. My secretary enters and leaves a pile of documents on my desk. I grab them and proofread them for error. They are important memos that need to go out. The rest of my day will be spent working in silence and solitude. I prefer it that way now. The only person I truly enjoyed being around was Susana. I was shocked when I realized on the golf course that I couldn't even tolerate the company of my own friends.
Chapter 15 - Susana
It's a quiet day at home. I'm feeling pretty good and trying to stay active. The other day Aunt Edith told me about the importance of exercising my muscles for childbirth. "Just don't overdo it. You don't have to do anything extreme. Stick to the very basics." She had advised me. She has gotten even more protective now that we are so close to the due date. "Don't worry. I plan on sticking with the housework and maybe some light walking down the street." I had answered her. That has been my daily routine up until now.
Sometimes she joins me on my walks. We talk about what is going to happen at the hospital and such. Right now Aunt Edith is in her room. I'm in the living room doing some light dusting and cleaning. It's more than being active. I just couldn't sit still today. I lean over to grab the can of furniture polish. That's when I feel it. My first contraction. Like a bad cramp in my back. Immediately its followed by another. "Ooh." I gasp. I set my cleaning supplies down and try to catch my breath. I feel the twinges in front now.
My first instinct is to call Mikah. I chide myself for being stupid. I remind myself that I'm going to do this without him. "Aunt Edith!" I call out. I hold my stomach and try to breathe through the pain like I learned. She sticks her head out. "Its time." I say in between breaths. "Oh My gosh!" She gasps. I hear her run down the hall. There is the sound of loud noises. Eventually she returns with my overnight bag. She grabs my hands and leads me outside. "It'll be okay sweetie. I'm here with you. Just keep breathing. " She instructs. We are loaded into the car and drive to the hospital.
The baby finally arrives after 16 hours of labor. I'm exhausted as I lay in the bed. The nurse brings him over and places him on my chest. His is this tiny little red thing. He is angry and wailing nonstop. I notice immediately how inexplicably warm he is, but I can't take my eyes off him. I feel an immediate fondness towards him. They take him away and wash him up. They return him to me a few minutes later. He is wrapped in a cotton blanket. I hold him as gently as I can. He is so tiny and delicate that I'm afraid if i put too much pressure on him he will break. "Awwww! Look at the little precious!" Aunt Edith coos next to me.
I smile at her and she kisses my forehead. "Good job. I'm proud of you." She says. I beam happily, I'm overjoyed. We are moved to a private room. My cousins arrive an hour later. They fill the room and bring balloons and flowers. They all take turns holding the baby. He sleeps as if he too was exhausted by the birth ordeal. Later that night, I stare at him until I fall asleep. Aunt Edith is right, he is a tiny precious being.
After a couple of days we are discharged from the hospital. Aunt Edith brings us home and gives us our space to bond. I take the baby upstairs and try to put him to sleep in the brand crib. He cries until I pick him back up. I sit with him in the rocking chair. I cradle him to me and rock back and forth gently. I hum quietly. He likes this a lot and gradually his eyes close. I sit there for a long time staring at him. He is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I know I'm going to be rocking him here constantly, but I don't mind.
