I don’t like the direction where this is going. I know what he’s going to say now. He’s going to say she’s perfect for us. She’s perfect for what we need. In a way, he’s right. He’s totally fucking right, but there is no way we can act on that. How the fuck does he not see that?
“What difference does that make?” I shout, lost in my own angry thoughts.
“There you go again,” Anderson clenches his jaw at me. “Your brain is wracking itself, never stopping, always on guard, but you don’t even see what it is you’re missing.”
“I see what I’m missing,” I sneer.
“Do you?” Anderson stares me down. We remain like that for a few moments, neither of us willing to look away first. So, neither of us does. “Do you really?”
“Your problem is that you think anyone is a good fit,” I speak, and I feel the heat in my tingling skin.
I know for a fact that this isn’t true. Finding a mate is damn right hard. We haven’t been able to find anyone in ages, and I think that we’ve both almost given up hope. Only neither of us has expressed that hopelessness yet.
“I told her about us,” his revelation hits me like a ton of bricks.
“I did,” he shrugs, as if it was totally out of his hands, and all he could do was just sit there and watch. “You should have seen her. She accepted it. She accepted us. She never questioned it.”
“That means nothing,” I snort, shaking my head at him, at myself, at the possibility that has just opened itself for us.
“That means a lot, Fynn, and you know it.” Anderson’s head jerks backward. “If we don’t find someone, our clan will die out.”
“You don’t fucking need to remind me of that. Because, that’s exactly why we need to be careful.”
I feel that ancient calling of our ancestors deep in my bones. I know Anderson feels it, too. Like the calling of some long forgotten animal, or one that is in danger of becoming extinct. I guess, that’s exactly what we’ll become, if we don’t do something about it. And, soon.
“I know we can’t throw caution to the wind,” he’s talking more calmly now. I know he doesn’t want to argue, and neither do I. “But, we can’t wait any longer either. Fate just drops this girl into our lap, and she’s perfect. Fynn, she’s fucking perfect. Have you taken a good look at her? Jeez!”
I don’t even need to dignify that with a reply. Of course I took a fucking look at her. That’s all I’ve been doing since this whole thing started.
“I know it’s been hard since…”
“Don’t talk about her,” I growl. “This has nothing to do with her.”
“It does, and it doesn’t,” Anderson approaches me and places his hand on my shoulder. “I know. You don’t have to tell me anything. I’ve known you my whole life, and I can see through that mask you put on. You believe it was your fault.”
“It was my fault.”
We haven’t really talked much about this, even though he started a few times. But, this is something that is mine to deal with. Mine, and no one else’s.
“No, it was a tragic set of circumstances,” Anderson continues, even though I’m not buying a word of what he’s selling. “We lost her, but it’s not your fault.”
“How many goddamn times are you gonna repeat that?” I scoff at him.
“As many times as it’s necessary for you to believe it,” he grows back at me. “You usually don’t listen to me, but do so now. Maddie is… she’s the fucking answer to our prayers. You just need to make sure you don’t scare her away.”
I sigh, turning around, wetting my lips with my tongue. I could really use a drink right now. And, maybe a wall to punch really hard. That’d help calm me down. But, instead I just cross my arms across my upper abdomen.
“We’ll sort this shit out,” he assures me. “We always do, don’t we?”
“You’re way too optimistic, you know that.”
“And, that saved our asses more than once, didn’t it?” he grins, and I have to admit he’s right. We make a good team, partly because of our stark contrast personalities.
Anderson can still see a diamond in a damn pigsty, while I see shit even among the cleanest diamonds. Ying and fucking yang.
“Shit, Anderson,” I rake my fingers through my hair, “I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”