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“We’ll figure this out together,” Rehema said.
I nodded, but I wasn't sure how we were going to do that.
Had I made the right decision in denying the gods my help to end the virus? How could I be in any kind of position to help anyone, especially when the slightest thing could set me off? Zeus had almost found that out the hard way.
Just being here in Rumir’s house, I could be putting everyone I loved in danger.
“I think I saw her,” I said, focusing on the water bottle on the counter. “Tedara. I think I saw her in a vision.”
“When?” Lucian sat down, the scar through his eye wrinkling when he frowned.
"When I fell unconscious inside the barrier. At first, I thought it was just another vision. But now I think I somehow went to the realm where Tedara is sealed away. I heard chains, and while I didn't see her up close, I saw her form through a thick red fog. She was taller than any god I’d ever seen.”
I took a breath, recalling the emotions I'd felt. "She was angry. But more than that, she was lonely. She was filled with anguish and regret.” I looked at Lucian. “She needs help.”
“But the gods said they locked her away because she was destroying everything,” Rehema said. "That's what you said, Lucian."
“Yes, that’s what we were told,” I added. “But I can’t help feeling there is more to that story.”
Brian snorted and ran a hand up his tattooed arm. “I don’t doubt that. The gods tend to only tell us what they want us to know. After all, things had to get this dire before we learned anything at all. But you have to be careful. There’s a chance Tedara could have fed you those emotions just to make you trust her.”
“I don’t know about that,” I murmured, pushing my hair away from my face. “I don’t know anything other than what I felt and saw.”
“It’s okay.” Lucian placed a hand on my shoulder.
"No, it's not," I growled. "None of this is okay. I can help the gods, or at least, they think I can. And I want to—truly I do. But there is something wrong with me, Lucian. I can't control this power, so how can I be of any use to anyone?”
No one spoke, and I took a breath. At least now I knew that irritation, anger, and annoyance would all trigger the power in me, so I needed to stay calm. That was the only way to stop myself from imploding.
And who knew? The way I was going, random abilities might start popping up. And then what would I do?
“I think you should help them,” Rehema said after some time. “If you can find out where Tedara is breaking into the realm, the gods will be able to put an end to this. You’ll save lives.”
“I’m just not sure I can,” I told her. And it was true. I had no idea if I could control this power enough for it to do what I wanted. Who knew what I was capable of right now? And to me, the risk seemed too great.
I was holding onto my self-control like a rope, and I feared that if I released it, even a little, I'd hurt myself and everyone else. Fear was a crippling thing, but it was also necessary for survival.
The gods had said there was no way to remove the virus, and therefore, I was stuck with this divinity in me. Even if I found the opening to Tedara's realm and the gods managed to close it, I'd still be in the same position. So I'd either die, have to be killed if I went berserk, or I'd learn control.
But I just needed a little more time to see what other changes I'd experience. I needed to see if the little control I had would grow stronger… or not.
“It’ll probably be the same as controlling any other power, finding a balance,” Rehema continued. "It might be hard at first, but you have to take that first step. I know this is terrifying but—"
"You know nothing!" I yelled, my voice no longer my own.
As everyone took a step back, my hand flew to my mouth, and my heartbeat hammered in my ears. I rose and backed away from them. Brian, his pupils crimson like a vampire’s, had put himself between me and Rehema, who looked terrified. And to my left, Lucian's claws had pierced the island.
His eyes were still hazel but widened with… fear.
My chin trembled.
“Rehema, I’m sorry,” I choked out. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
But anger still clawed at my gut.
My eyes blurred with tears, and I clenched my fists. The way they were looking at me… The fear in their eyes… I couldn't take it.
I took another step back, and Lucian stepped forward. “Natalie, it’s okay.” He held his hand out. “Come here.”
“Don’t follow me,” I growled. “Just don’t follow me. Please. I want to be alone.”
I ran from the kitchen, almost tripping in my anxious need to leave. Their rapid heartbeats were like drums in my head, and their fear smelled so sweet, I could almost taste it on my tongue.
I ran past Myleon, my face awash with tears before I even got to the front door.
“Goddess,” I prayed while pushing the doors open. “Help me, please.”
