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I was utterly at a loss for words. The anger, sadness, loneliness, and regret I felt radiating from Tedara all made sense now. Earlier, when I'd seen the state of the city and the woman and child desperately wanting to leave home, I'd felt precisely what Hydum had described.
That the same chaos I could feel in my veins was consuming everyone else.
There was so much death and violence on Earth. And then the vampire war happened, and it was even worse than before. What would it have been like if Tedara had killed everyone back then? If the Earth had had a chance to start over?
“If you understood Tedara’s views, why didn't you stand by her?" I asked Hydum.
"Because I believed that if Tedara had succeeded in starting anew, the same thing would happen again and perhaps worse," he answered. "Even though she’s a Primordial, Tedara cannot control life and the way it evolves over time. Yes, there is wickedness in the realms, but there is good, too. As hard as it may be, there is balance. She would have killed all when only a few were bad.”
He got up and started to walk around the room. "But as for why you're here… I’m afraid I can't teach you control over your power. I can help you understand it, but the rest will be up to you." Hydum perhaps saw my disappointment, because he held a hand up. "And, I can also help you speak to Tedara.”
“I’ve been to the realm where she is,” I told him. “But I haven’t been able to hear her words clearly or even see her.”
"With my help, you will. You will perhaps get a better understanding of things if you speak to the one you're becoming." He stopped. "I'll prepare for the ritual. In the meantime, you’ll need to prepare as well. You might not like what you find when you face her. She's been locked away for a long time, and that can drive anyone to madness."
* * *
Natalie
“Ishould warn you, I’ve never done this,” Hydum said an hour later. He'd placed two chairs across from each other so he and I were facing each other. “I’ll be forcing your consciousness into the realm, instead of you being called there by Tedara, which is what has been happening to you each time you've seen her."
“That’s not very comforting to hear,” Lucian grumbled.
"Still, it is the only way to do this," he replied.
Lucian's jaws clenched, as did Rumir’s.
"With Natalie's strong connection to the Mother, it might be easier than we think."
Lucian was standing by one of the many bookshelves, his arms crossed over his chest, and Rumir sat with his elbows on his knees. Outwardly, they both seemed calm, but I knew they were poised to jump into action the moment I needed them.
Rehema, standing by the entrance, winked at me, and I nodded.
Exhaling, I placed my hands in Hydum’s outstretched ones. "Let's do this then," I said.
He nodded, then closed his eyes.
Exhaling through my mouth and relaxing my tense shoulders, I closed my eyes as well. But when a sudden shock jolted my body, my eyes flew open.
Hydum’s hold on my hands tightened. “Close your eyes,” he instructed.
I glanced at the others—Rumir was already on his feet.
“I suggest you close your eyes, Natalie.”
I did so again, clearing my throat and adjusting myself in the chair, slipping further to the edge. Suddenly, another jolt went through my body. I squeezed Hydum’s hands this time, and without warning, my body grew light as a feather.
I had expected chanting or even whispered words from Hydum, but I went from seeing darkness behind my closed lids, to being in the red realm where Tedara was. This time, the fog wasn't so thick, and I could see that I was at the base of a mountain.
"Can you hear me, Natalie?" I heard Hydum speak, and I turned in a circle.
"Yes, but I can't see you," I said. "Where are you?"
"I'm not there with you. You can only hear me. When you're ready to leave, call my name, and I'll sever the connection. Okay?"
“Okay,” I replied, staring up at the mountain. There was a cave a few meters up. “Do you want me to give her a message?”
He didn’t answer right away.
