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I’m going to ask him tonight after the wedding when he’s in a good mood.
28thSeptember 1961
Albert told me he didn’t need my help to run the hotel. I should just do what I’m good at and be a mother for Winston and cook his dinner every night.
I’ve cried myself to sleep the past five nights.
I don’t have a purpose. There has to be more to life than this.
After completing my nursing, I have so much to offer. Why do I have to act like it no longer matters? Albert said my role is to be a good wife and obey my husband.
We have one shot at life, and this isn’t the life I choose.
I’m an awful person.
I should be happy. I have a home, a husband who loves and cares for me, and a beautiful son.
When did I become ungrateful?
Date: 10thOctober 1961
Today I received a letter from Dr. Anderson.
I hid it from Albert and waited until he was in the office until I read it.
I can’t stop shaking.
It’s the best news to feel valued. Only it is pointless. I can’t go.
There’s no way I can leave Winston and Albert to do something like volunteer in an indigenous community in Venezuela. He’d call me selfish. And it’s true. Only I can’t stop dreaming about it.
I’ll keep the letter as a reminder someone values my work and me.
I’m holding my breath. Despite my heart breaking for the pain she’s suffering through, I’m struck with the realization this is the letter that invites her to come here fifty-eight years ago.
My whole body tingles. I hold the diary to my chest.
I want to feel the excitement and sense of adventure my Gran would’ve experienced. Mum mentioned her time in the jungle is documented in a journal, which her friend Brenda knows about. I vaguely remember Brenda at Gran’s funeral, dressed in black with red shoes and handbag. I remember thinking why red?
Our advances in medicine have come a long way since the 1960s. Yet, she endured the hardship. She survived for a couple of years as I’m not sure of her time volunteering before she discovered Ulara. In that time, she gave birth to a baby in the jungle with more than likely no help from anyone. Remembering Gran as a strong-minded lady and slightly stubborn, her determination to be included in the community and be as one with Ularans with no special benefits isn’t surprising. The energy explodes within me with the lightbulb moment. This is my destiny. Gran lives in me, her spirit has remained here, and if Gran could give birth in the jungle like many other women, it’s not outrageous for me to have my baby here with my daughter’s father by my side. Apart from the improvement in medicine and having extra supplies on hand, Samuelisa doctor, and he’ll be with me during the birth—an advantage over Gran who would’ve wandered from the village, squatted over a hole, and delivered Kaikare herself, going by their tradition. Maybe some women were there to help.
Nonetheless, I’m in a far better position than her.
I’ll have the baby here—in Ulara.
18
SAMUEL
Samuel took commitment as serious as a vow.
Years ago, he took an oath to keep the location of Ulara a secret. The people’s safety was of utmost importance, and he promised the shaman he’d work alongside him to provide medicine and advise him on the science Samuel had learned in his medical studies. Although science isn’t a word he could use, and it came down to his people, where he was born. Nowhis peopleare about to illegally mine an area close to the tepuis—a dangerous undertaking for those workers with the unpredictability of the tepui formation and how those in command treat the workers. He hopes his fear of the mine affecting Ulara is only that—a fear. Other mines have poisoned the local river systems with mercury leaching into the water and soil. It not only destroys the environment and water surrounding the mine but thanks to the poisoned fish, all the communities further down the river have been known to fall ill. He prays the government hears about the illegal mine and stops it before it destroys the surrounding ecosystem.
Overbearing all other fears is someone stumbling across Ulara. Their primitive minds and ways of life will be mocked, and he understands the mindset of outsiders. Other tribes have been bullied into change and tried to be saved with the way of God.
Their beliefs, lifestyle, and superior connection to the jungle would be perceived as being crazy, and they’d be thought of as inferior beings. The thought of bullying and enforcing change, then the suffering of the people he loves, has his chest tightening in fear. Especially knowing the Ularans have no immunity to many diseases outsiders will bring.
Even though the sun has barely encroached the horizon, he makes out Asoo throwing a bag into the curiara.
