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“What did you say to Kaikare?” I swat insects away from my face. Macaws shriek from above as if they find my words offensive. If the bloody monkeys can just shut up for five minutes, then I might clear my head.
“Mind this puddle.” He points to a shallow pool of water. “It’s deeper than it appears.” He waits a few seconds before answering as though he’s assessing what’s ahead. “I told her you only started reading words about her mother’s life, and when you understand the words, you’ll tell her about it. We chatted about her emotions and how she is feeling things she has never felt before. She’s confused as to why she’s feeling sad about a woman she never knew.”
“I understand.”
“It’s not about your grandmother. It’s not their way. Kaikare is feeling like she doesn’t belong in some way, and those feelings of trust and sadness are confusing her as the elders have taught her not to succumb to those emotions. She’s feeling not like a failure but almost an intruder. It’s like another personality is coming out in her.”
“She has our genes.” I give an empathetic sigh as I step over tree roots and concentrate not to slip on the decaying leaves and bark forming a layer over the earth.
“No. She has her father’s genes, and environmental influences are what she has learned here. You and I…” he motions his finger between us, “… we need to be invisible and not bring our ways to confuse the Ularans. All you know isn’t to be revealed here.”
I second-guess what I wanted to achieve by coming here. Obviously, I wanted to inform Samuel I was pregnant with his baby. I also wanted the joy of being with him wherever that was because I love him. He loves me too, yet I can’t shake the feeling he has no plans to leave Ulara soon.
“I’m still learning, and if we’re honest, I’m the intruder. Our baby is due in a matter of weeks. I have to go home soon. I can’t keep living day to day waiting for you to say I’m coming home with you, and we live happily ever after.”
He stops walking and takes both of my hands in his. “You’re no longer an intruder. You’re doing great learning their ways, but it will take time.” He leans in and kisses my forehead before brushing wayward strands from my eyes. “You can leave at any time. I’d never make you stay. I can’t leave until my contract is finished and—”
“What?”
He looks into the jungle as though it holds the answers he seeks. “There’s enough evidence the flower from the tepui is a success in cancer treatment.”
“One flower. They’ll need more than one.”
When he nods, my thoughts become thick like fog. “You’ll need to make another trip?”
He takes my hand, and we keep walking. “I don’t want to assume anything. They can search for other tepuis by helicopter. While I’m here, I’ll continue to learn from the shaman and help the community where I can.”
“The Ularans mean more to you than a community, right?”
“I know you find it hard to understand, but they are my family now.” He hesitates. “Until I met you, they were all I had.”
It’s an opening for me to say something about his parents, but I decide to focus on us. “So if they find the flower on other tepuis, your contract will end quicker, and you’ll be free to leave with me?”
“I intend to be with you and our child. I can’t give you a date or time frame until I hear more about the research findings.”
“So, we wait?”
He squeezes my hand and smiles at me. God, he doesn’t need to say another word because his smile does all sorts of things to my insides.
“Yes, my love, we wait. Like we’re waiting for that beautiful baby to grow inside of you, some things can’t be rushed.”
My hand lifts to rest on the swell of my stomach. “I don’t want to have this baby alone. I want you there.”
He turns and pulls me into his arms and kisses me. “I love you,” he murmurs against my lips. “I want to be there with you too. Please understand I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you’re both safe.”
I wrap my arms around him and rest my cheek against his firm chest. “Thank you.”
Samuel drapes an arm over my shoulder, and we walk the remainder of the way at a slower pace.
We arrive at the stream, and small beams of broken sunlight stream through the trees. Everything seems quieter here in our special place.
Samuel kicks off his shoes, then drops to his knees to assist me to slide mine off. I lean both hands on his shoulders, grateful not to bend over because my stomach is already getting in the way. He unties his skirt, and I do the same with mine.
Inspecting his back and long legs, I can tell they are thinner than when we first met. When he turns, his eyes lower to my naked body, and he holds out a hand for me to use as support. I step to him, and now closer, I see the fire burning in his eyes.
“I love you,” I tell him. “Everything I do is because I love you.”
“I know,” he rasps out. “I love you too.”
