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It's one step forward, two steps back with him. He wants me to trust him and understand when he acts like an asshole, but trust is earned, and right now all I see is a man who is hiding most of his life from the person he is supposed to love.
Welieinbedin total silence, the air between us thick with unsaid words. My body is uncomfortable in a way I don't like, and I already know there’s no way I’ll be able to fall asleep. Since we reconnected, I haven't fallen asleep without his arms wrapped around me, and I don't want to. It doesn't feel right.
He lets out a sigh, the weight of the world sitting so heavily on his shoulders. I know he’s annoyed, but it’s not my fault. "Shortcake." He says my nickname like he is desperately grasping at it.
"Yes," I reply because all I want is for everything to be okay between us. I turn on my side so I can see his silhouette with the light coming in from the moon. His chest is bare, and I’m desperate to run my fingers over his smooth, hard body.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much that the thought of losing them makes you do crazy things?" His words are laced with pain.
"I'm here with you right now, aren't I?" I lift his arm, snuggling in close to him, needing to feel the warmth his body provides. He pulls me in, wrapping his arm around me tightly. There is so much I don't understand about what is going on, and at times it makes me think this thing with us is impossible. But when the world is quiet like it is now, and it's just the two of us, I know what we have is worth fighting for.
"I can't let you in the way I should. I want to, but I can’t, for fear that you’ll run the fuck away from me and all I'm involved in and never look back. Like I know you should. I know I'm not good for you. Your father was right, I should have stayed away, but I couldn’t."
"What are you talking about?"
"What if I can't protect you when I need to. What if something happens to you because of me?"
"You have to trust that I can look after myself. Look what happened when that guy broke in. I was fine, and he came off second best."
"But it's my responsibility to take care of you and the people I love. Tonight, I found out something that made me question humanity all over again, something that made me sick to my stomach. You can think you know what people are all about until they show you their true colors, and only then will you really know."
My heart pounds faster. What on earth did he find out? I know it was bad enough to make him angrier than I have ever seen him. This life isn’t good for anyone, and I wish with everything I have that we could just leave and start over somewhere else. "You know what I think?"
"What's that?"
"I think we should run away from all of this and never look back. Find a life that's just for us. Our place in this world where we can be the people we want to be, not have the expectations from our families or friends placed on our heads. Somewhere we can really start fresh. That's the life we will thrive in. This here is too much pain. Whatever vendetta you boys have going on with the ghosts from your past is only going to get you killed or take you to a place where you are so dead inside there will be no point in living anyway."
I can feel his body relax at the thought of leaving with me. "You're a romantic."
I move so I’m looking up at him, suddenly feeling like this is the only option for us. He gives me a half-smile. "No, I'm realistic. You want to protect me. I can see you hurting, see the constant turmoil you have going on with these guys. What if you need to let me be the one to save you from all of this? I'm serious, Brandon. I want to run away with you, whenever you're ready.”
“It sounds like a dream, Shortcake. But I have responsibilities here. There are things I need to take care of.”
“While I understand what you’re saying, you have to know that as long as we’re in this town, there will always be a distance between us.”
He looks back at me, and I know that isn’t what he wants, it’s written all over his face.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CASSANDRA
It'sasunnySaturdayin fall, my favorite of all the seasons, and I should be happy to be at my parents’ property when the deciduous trees lining the long driveway are turning all shades of reds and oranges. Normally I would feel at peace here, but not today. I'm on edge. Brandon's mood didn't improve last night, and for the first time, the two of us fell asleep on separate sides of the bed. This morning he was slightly more pleasant to be around. He even offered to drive me out here, but I can't shake the feeling that he's hiding more from me than what he is willing to share. And I hate it.
Mom has invited me over for lunch. She's been calling me most days to check in and is desperately trying to salvage the relationship we once had, and it will be the first time I've seen her since I left. I know she’s right, it's time to come home for a visit, and she has invited the whole family to make it less awkward. My dad I'm not so excited to see. Unlike her, he hasn't said a word to me since I left.
I walk through the front door tentatively, with so much tension in my body I feel like I could snap at any point. I don't know how I'm going to be received, and it's making me so uncomfortable. I just want to go back to the days where everything was easy. But you can’t go back. I've learned that lesson more than once.
Mom is the first to spot me and runs toward me, her long floral skirt swishing around her ankles as she wraps her arms around me in a tight hug. I smile into her neck and squeeze her back even tighter. It's so good to see her.
"How are you?” She pulls back from me, taking me in as she strokes my hair. “Are you eating enough? You look thin." She purses her lips. "Come straight to the kitchen. I have a treat for you." She takes me by the hand, like she’s scared to let me go, pulling me along with her to her kitchen. She holds out a plate with what looks like a double batch of caramel squares on it.
I take a piece. "Thank you," I smile," but you know I'm always thin like this. I haven't changed since leaving a few weeks ago."
"Yes, I do know, and that's why you need to eat. I’ve already made up a doggy bag of food for you to take back with you. There is no way you’re getting nutritious enough meals over there." She opens the fridge, showing me the containers stacked three high. What she doesn’t know, and I won't tell her because it might just break her heart, is the boys have a chef, so the meals are not only gourmet but very nutritious.
"Thanks, Mom." My mom likes to show us how much she loves us with food, she always has. I appreciate it but also feel guilty as hell. It’s not her fault Dad is being an ass, and she shouldn't have to make up for his bad behavior.
She takes my hand. "Listen, Cassie. I was on the phone to Auntie Jules yesterday, and her holiday villa just outside of Palm Springs is free if you need a place to stay. I get that you need your independence now, and maybe this would be a good way to give it a try."
