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14
Never in a million years did I believe I could love again. Jamie was my first, and the only other man I loved was Hawk. I had convinced myself that Jamie was just a young teenage love that would have never survived maturity. And Hawk, well, what I had originally thought was safe. I loved him, but I loved his protection more.
But now, being with Jamie again, I’m discovering a love that I never knew could exist. I don’t even believe my parents had it. It’s raw and emotional and runs deep into the depths of my soul. I’ve heard people talk about soulmates, and they found “the one.” I never believed in any of that crap. But now, Jamie is my soulmate, and I realize it has bound our hearts since we were teenagers.
These thoughts run through my head as I cook Jamie and Andre’s breakfast. I look over at Jamie and give him my best smile, and I can see him melt. He feels the same. I can see it written all over his handsome face.
Panic suddenly washes over me. This is moving too fast. You hardly know each other! My subconscious screams at me. And then, I remind myself; I have known Jamie all my life. Perhaps not the Jamie sitting in this kitchen patiently waiting for his breakfast, but although he has matured, gotten more handsome than ever, he’s still my Jamie.
“I never stopped loving you!” The words come out of my mouth before my brain can stop them, and both Jamie and Andre immediately stop talking and look at me. Why couldn’t they have been deep in conversation and not heard me? Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut?
“Um, I think I need to get something out of my room,” Andre says as he gets up from the chair and quickly exits the kitchen.
Jamie continues to stare at me, and I am frozen in front of the stove. I know our eggs are burning, but I can’t move.
After several awkward seconds, Jamie gets up from the table and walks over to me. He tucks a loose tendril of hair behind my ear and says, “I’ve always loved you, but now, I am in love with you.”
I open my mouth to speak, and place his finger over my lips, and shake his head. “I know what you are thinking. Hell, I’ve been thinking the same things. This is moving so fast. We don’t know each other like we did then. All of it has run through my head too. But I am telling you, Gina, I know this is right. I can feel it deep in my soul.”
Damn, we are feeling the same things; I think.
He continues, “I want this, and I know without a doubt, you do too.”
“But, Lucas—”
He cuts me off. “I know I have only met Lucas, and he is delightful. I mean, come on, what is not to like about a six-year-old boy that thinks me and my best friend are superheroes.”
“But,” I whisper, “he’s not your son.”
“He will be if I have anything to do with it.” He pulls me into his arms and nuzzles my neck. “We have a lot to work out, but please tell me you won’t run. Tell me you want this as much as I do.”
His words cut me like a knife. He’s been afraid I will run again. How could I have made him feel that way? I push him away from my neck so that he is looking directly at me. “Listen, Jamie; I’m only going to say this once. I will not leave. If the Vitali’s come after me, we will face it together.” I see the relief wash over his face. “And yes, I want this. I love you, Jamison Michaels!”
“Oh God, baby, I love you too.”
He pulls me in and kisses me hard on the lips. It’s possessive and demanding. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. And for the first time since I left Olean all those years ago, I have finally come home.
15
The following weekend, Andre insists we go to a club that he’d found. He’d invited a few guys he’d met on base to come out with us. We drink, dance, and have a good time. Alcohol flows most of the night, taking away my ability to stay off the dance floor. It motivates my movement, and when the women find out that we are military men, they can’t stay away.
I dance with a few but have to put distance with each of them because they want to come home with me and play dirty soldier games. Maybe that is sexy with the right woman, but none of them are.
Andre falls into the groove and disappears a time or two with a few girls. He is a single man who can enjoy the fruits as much as he wants. I do not know if I am single or not. Gina and I talk every day, learning more about each other, but we’re not labeled as official or anything. I decide to play it safe and keep my hands to myself.
“Are you ready to go?” Andre asks me.
“Whatever…” I shrug. I am having fun, but it isn’t something that can go on forever.
“Are you good to drive?”
“Yup.”
“I think I’m going to go home with the blonde. She said she’s never been with a black man and wanted me to be her first. She’s lying, but I’m going to do it anyway,” Andre jokes.
“Alright. You go have fun, and I’ll get home.”
“Deal. Need me to walk you out?”
