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“Well, in that case, go ahead and sit down.” Susan says, but her tone tells me she would rather we go jump off a cliff.
We follow her command so as to not make her angrier than she already is and rush to the patio furniture. Susan settles into a wicker rocker, while Dad, Will, and I sit on a cushioned wicker couch.
“I want to say something first, though.” Susan says as she rocks stiffly.
“Okay, go ahead.” Dad says as he shifts nervously beside me.
“I’m not mad at you for leaving me on our wedding day. Not anymore, anyway. I let go of that a long time ago, but this: the cameras and the news articles? This pisses me off.” She gestures to where Will and I stand with the camera before continuing. “I’m a real person with a whole life after you left me. Ever think that I didn’t want my worst moment plastered across the internet?” She asks, and I find myself nodding. I find myself realizing a lot too late that I had only been seeing this from Dad’s perspective. A chance to apologize is what he needed, but it might not be what Susan needed.
“We can turn the cameras off.” Dad offers, reiterating Will’s previous offer. “I really do just want a chance to talk to you, Susan.”
“Just say what you came to say.” Susan says curtly.
“Well then, I came to say I’m sorry, Susan. I regret not having the courage to treat you with the respect you deserved. I should have told you how I felt rather than just leaving. I was immature to think just leaving would be less painful than having a hard conversation. I realize now that I was taking the easy way out for myself, not for you. I’m truly sorry.” Dad explains and the way his voice breaks, and his eyes water, has me struggling not to tear up as well.
“Well, it seems like you finally learned something.” Susan says and though her face remains hard, I see her lips twitch upward, which with this woman’s attitude might be as good as it gets.
“Yeah, I’ve grown up a little bit.” Dad says with a chuckle, running a hand through his graying hair for emphasis.
“Well, if that is all you can leave.” Susan says, standing up. Guess her almost smile was the best we were going to get from her.
“Actually, I would like to ask you some questions, Susan. I want to know your side of the story.” Will interjects before Susan can fully stand up.
“You do?” Susan asks, and her eyebrows raise in surprise. She must not have watched any of the vlogs or she would know how much time we spent talking to the Susans and they weren’t even ‘the Susan’ like she was. Will would probably try to stay here all month if he let her.
“Yes, there are quite a few questions, so if you don’t have time today, we could set up a time.” Will explains.
“No, I have time now. What do you want to know?” Susan says as she sits back down, and she is still acting all huffy, but it seems a little more affected now.
“Well, we will start at the beginning of your relationship with David.” Will prompts.
“That was a long time ago. It seems more like a story I tell now than real life. Even back then, it seemed too good to be true. Our relationship was straight out of a movie script, the cheerleader and the jock. It was a love at first sight thing. We met at a party and from that moment on there was only each other. He helped me deal with an alcoholic father and I gave him the approval and love he craved from his distant parents. I don’t think we ever even argued. It was just hand holding, school dances, shared jokes, and kisses in cars. It seems so innocent now, but it was love, well for me it was.” Susan says, her voice reminiscent and softer than before. It is easy to see she loved my dad at one time and still looked back on those memories with a fondness that was unexpected for someone who, in the end, had been wronged.
“How did you feel when David didn’t show up on your wedding day?” Will asks.
“Like someone who was stranded in the ocean and sees a life raft, but when they get close enough, it disappears. All my hope was gone. I didn’t just love David; he was my whole future. He was going to save me from my dad and get me out of that stupid town. He was my will to live. When he didn’t show up, I felt like I was gone too.” Susan explains and though I know her pain has healed, it hurts my heart to think of anyone feeling like that because it reminds me too much about how I feel about Mama dying and how I’m beginning to feel about walking away from Will at the end of the summer.
“What did you do?” Will asks and at this point I think he is asking more out of curiosity than content for his book because he isn’t taking any notes as he leans forward with interest.
“Wallowed in my misery until one day it hit me over the head. I didn’t need David to leave that town. I left town by myself. I got a job. I enrolled in college. Found my passion. I fell in love. I started a family. Somewhere along the way, I forgave David and became grateful that he didn’t show up that day because if he had, I would be less me than I am now. I am more because of that day. It helped me find myself.” Susan says, and the pride she has in herself is evident. Heck, I’m proud of her and hope I can internalize a bit of what she is saying and come out of all the pain of the last year stronger.
I am amazed at how open Susan is being, but as she continues to explain her life, I realize she has lived a happy life, one that she is proud of. I can see the tension bleed out of my dad as he listens and realizes this, too. Will continues to ask Susan questions until she tells him that she will smack him if he asks one more tonight. She still gives him her phone number for follow-up questions when he asks though.
“Will you let me use the video, Susan?” Will asks again as we walked back towards the car.
Susan thinks about it for a moment, her expression unreadable. “Yeah, that would be alright.” She finally answers, and you would have thought Will had just won the Pulitzer Prize with the way that makes him smile.
“You won’t regret it, Susan. I will make you seem just as badass as you are in person.” Will promises with a mischievous smirk that Susan rolls her eyes at. Guess Susan Smith is one of the few women alive who sees through Will’s charm.
Will and I climb in the car, but Dad lags behind. I wait with my door open until I realize he is probably trying to get a private moment with Susan, so I close the door, but because I’m nosy, my eyes stay glued on them.
Inside the car, I can’t hear the words that are exchanged, but I can see the stiffness in Susan’s stance. As Dad speaks, I watch that stiffness bleed away, until she breaks out into a fit of giggles. It is so at odds with my image of her that I almost don’t believe it, but I can hear their laughter from within the car. When they finally compose themselves, Susan gives Dad a tentative hug before he opens the driver’s side door. He has a genuine smile on his face as he closes the door. The guilt that had hung around his neck since he first told me about Susan is gone.
“What did you say to her?” I ask, watching Susan walk back to her front door and wave from the porch. She is a different woman than the one that had greeted us a few hours earlier.
“Just an inside joke.” My dad answers, keeping the details to himself. I just nod in response, deciding to suppress my nosy urges and smiling that my dad finally looks like he has found closure.
Chapter 27
