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I’d asked him if it was going to be dangerous, and he’d assured me that he would make sure that I was safe. But I could see from the look on Levin’s face that he wasn’t entirely certain. That terrified me more than a little.
I still have my phone with his number, for emergencies, and we’d arranged a tentative schedule for when I’d meet him to deliver any information that I might have. All of it left a sick feeling in my stomach, my anxiety so high that I could barely eat before leaving to meet Grisha.
I wasn’t made for this,I think as Grisha’s hands rove over my body.I wasn’t made for seducing men for information, for sneaking and spying. I hate all of it, and when this is over, I’m never going to do anything like this again.
The flight goes smoothly, and we land in Mexico to bright sun and a crisp breeze that ruffles my hair as we walk off the plane. I look around as we disembark onto the tarmac, wondering where Levin is. The idea of him watching me makes my pulse beat a little faster. I feel safer knowing that he can’t be too far away.
We have a small house rented for us, a block away from the beach. It’s every bit the tucked away, romantic spot that I’d expected it would be, with plenty of privacy and a cozy feeling to it. It would be perfect if I were there with someone who Iactuallywanted to have a romantic vacation with, but under the current circumstances, all it does is make me feel more anxious.
Grisha leaves me there with a kiss and a promise to return soon after his meeting, and I end up pacing the house while he’s gone, a dozen different scenarios running through my head and none of them good. I know we’re supposed to go out for dinner when he returns, and I finally force myself into the shower, focusing on getting ready to try and clear my head.
I put on a lightweight white eyelet sundress with a leather belt at the waist and matching sandals, opting to leave my hair loose and put on just a little makeup. The circumstances of the trip aside, itisnice to be warm again. I sit out on the house’s patio for a little while, while I wait for Grisha, soaking it in.
Meeting Levin tonight is the most nerve-wracking part of all of it. I do my best to focus as Grisha talks to me over dinner, trying to take note of his demeanor, thewayhe talks about what little he shares with me, because I know I won’t get much in the way of direct information.
The plan is set, and all I have to do is follow it. I sit through the romantic dinner, cuddling on the couch in front of the fireplace against the chill of the night, Grisha’s lips on mine that eventually lead us into the bedroom, all the way until he lies satisfied next to me, breathing deeply in the darkness.
“I think I’m going to go for a walk on the beach,” I tell him, glancing over.
“What?” He rolls towards me, and my pulse picks up a little in my throat. This is the hardest part–if he tries too hard to keep me in bed with him, I won’t be able to just leave. All of this hinges on Grisha being happy and relaxed with me. “Haven’t I worn you out enough?” he asks playfully, trailing his fingers along my stomach, and it’s all I can do not to shove his hand away.
“It’s just jet lag,” I tell him, brushing my fingers over the back of his hand. “And it’s so nice to be somewhere warm after freezing in Moscow. I won’t be long, I promise.”
“Alright,” he relents finally. “But don’t be gone too long, or I might have to come looking for you.”
Relief washes over me, followed by a stinging jolt of anxiety at his last comment, but I do my best to brush it off. All I can do is follow the plan, and trust that Levin knows what he’s doing.
I give Grisha a reluctant kiss as I get out of bed, tossing my sundress back on. I can’t get out of the house fast enough, and I have to purposely slow my steps as I walk out, so that I don’t look like I’m in too much of a rush.
I suck in deep lungfuls of the fresh ocean breeze as I walk down the beach, holding my sandals in one hand as my toes dig into the sand, trying to take pleasure in whatever small things I can to keep my nerves from spiraling out of control. Levin told me where he would be staying, much further down the beach, and it’s a long walk. I might have to get a cab back to the house where Grisha and I are staying to avoid being gone too long, but that’s a problem for me to have to deal with later.
After what feels like walking forever, I finally see him, tall and silhouetted against the backdrop of a beachfront hotel. He raises a hand as he sees me walking towards him, and I speed up a little, my heart suddenly pounding in my chest for reasons that have nothing to do with my anxiety.
“Lidiya.” Levin steps towards me, the moonlight glinting off of his face as he looks around, guiding me back into the shadows. “Was it too hard getting away?”
I shake my head. “Not as hard as I thought it might be. He was–”
“You don’t need to tell me about what the two of you did before you came out here.” Levin’s jaw tightens, and I can see the flush of jealousy on his face. “We can keep it to information.”
“I wasn’t going to go into graphic detail.” There’s a slight edge to my voice too. “Are you alright? Did something happen?”
“I’m fine.” His jaw clenches again as he says it, and I can tell he’s lying, but I don’t know if I should push for more detail. “What do you have for me?”
“I mean–as expected, he didn’t exactly spill that much about what he’s doing here. But he seemed–” I try to think of the right words to describe it. “He seemed a little more jittery than usual. Nervous.”
“Dealing with the cartels will do that,” Levin says dryly. “They’re not exactly the warmest bedfellows. How on edge do you mean?”
“He wasn’t jumping out of his skin or anything, but it wasn’t how I’d expect someone to behave after they’d had a really successful business meeting. He kept trying to go through the motions of a romantic evening, but I could tell that he really just wanted to get to bed–”
“Okay.” Levin cuts me off again. “No mention of his business dealings at all?”
“Just that there were more people there than he expected. I got the impression that there were more–bosses? Higher-ups? Whatever you call them, he seemed intimidated by whoever he met. That’s the best I’ve got, I think.”
“It’s more than we got in Moscow, aside from when you went to his office.” Levin’s teeth grit together a little as he says it, and I realize what’s bothering him. It’s the same thing that’s bothered him before–he’s just having a harder time hiding it right now for whatever reason.
He’s jealous.
“As dangerous as it might be, I think putting you here in the middle of it was the right move,” Levin continues, and I feel my heart stutter a little.
