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NATALIE
After scrubbing my body twice, I sat in the shower for an hour. I didn't cry; I simply sat and allowed the water to pummel me as I replayed the events of the last few hours over and over in my mind.
Now that I was home, none of it felt real. But the blood washing down my drain told me otherwise.
I crawled into bed, hoping sleep would take me to a different world, but I couldn’t settle. My mind was still racing, and my heart was broken at what I’d had to do.
I’d adjusted the ceiling to the aurora borealis on Earth, the mystical northern lights, but even that did nothing to soothe the storm in my heart and mind. I changed it to three other views—one of which was the scenic ice lands in Esavale, a city north of here—but nothing helped.
Eventually, I decided to leave the ceiling as it was, plain white. Because no matter what image I chose, all I could see were the eyes of the werewolf I’d killed.
Pulling the sheet up to my chin, I tried to put those crimson eyes out of my mind, but I couldn't. The image was ingrained in my psyche. And no amount of scrubbing could banish the smell of blood.
I knew Lucian and the others wanted answers, but I just couldn't tell them. Not tonight. Even though I’d acted in self-defense, I felt as if a piece of my soul had died along with that she-wolf.
I didn’t even know her name.
With that thought, I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to forget. I didn’t know the human’s name, either—the she-wolf’s victim. The memory of her fear-filled eyes before her throat had been ripped out haunted me. If I hadn't frozen, maybe I could have saved her. Perhaps I could have held off the she-wolf long enough for her to get away.
I turned onto my side restlessly, my back to the window.
Pondering the outcome if I'd done something differently would only make me feel worse. There was no changing the past, and I knew that. But I was overwhelmed by how epically I’d failed both of those women tonight.
How was I going to tell the others what I’d done?
I thought of the previous vision I'd had of the wasteland and red skies. This time, this new vision hadn’t come with a surge of anger. Instead, I'd felt only loneliness.
A sharp pain surged through my head, and I hissed, then pressed my palm to my temple. The pain lessened to a throb, and I groaned with annoyance. On top of everything else, now I had a headache.
Hekate had said I wasn’t infected, thank the Goddess, but I felt horrible physically. And I was confused, as well. I hadn't imagined that red mist that attacked me, I was sure of that. But until I knew more about it, I’d say nothing. At this point, I didn’t want to worry anyone—at least, not more than they already were. But I was worried. Since I wasn’t infected, what was that thing? And what would it do to me?
I shook my head, thinking back on my meeting with the Imperium. Those bastards were so uncaring, especially Zeus, that horned prick. Too bad he hadn’t been the one who had come face-to-face with an infected soul.
They’d all been so relaxed, as if this was no big deal. But for me, it was terrifying. I’d forgotten what that felt like, to fight with your all because anything less meant dying.
My experiences during the vampire wars, always on the move, fighting to save the world from the vampire scourge, had changed me. So, when I came here, where there was nothing but peace, I felt out of place. I had no purpose, and a part of me had craved a little excitement, even danger. But not this.
I hadn’t enjoyed the adrenaline I’d felt tonight. Now I’d give anything to go back to how things used to be. Anything was better than this.
From what I remembered when I'd mind-linked with the infected florkin, bloodlust had consumed the beast gradually. The part of the animal not yet overcome with bloodlust had still been in there, scared and alone. I couldn't imagine how that she-wolf had felt, knowing she was losing herself and unable to stop it.
The gods had to know what was happening, what was causing this infection, but they were taking their time eliminating it.
If they didn’t get their act together fast, more souls, human and otherwise, would be erased from existence.
I didn’t want to think about what an outbreak would look like.
I sat upright when I heard whispers all around me. “Hello?” I called as the hairs on my arms stood on end. “Who’s there?”
The rushed words were incoherent, and I covered my ears as the loneliness I'd felt during my vision earlier returned. It felt as if a weight was on my chest again, and tears welled up in my eyes.
What was happening to me?
I felt like I was losing my mind. These emotions weren't mine—I was sure of that. I'd felt alone when I first arrived in this realm, but not anymore.
Was I channeling someone else’s emotions? Who? Why? Where were these damn voices coming from?
“Who are you?” I growled. “What do you want from me?”
