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Something that could finally push away the misery of my life.
Now it’s like he’s shining a light, and everything’s rotten. What I thought was solid—is actually filled with holes.
“Explain,” I manage to croak. It’s not dignified, but hell, at least I said something.
He lingers in the kitchen, putting distance between us.
I feel him pulling further and further away.
“I’m not good for you, Fiona,” he says, speaking so softly I have to lean closer to hear. “I knew this would be hard when we started, but it’s only gotten harder. I figured we’d fly out to the East Coast a few times, maybe spend a couple weeks there, but can I really ask you to uproot yourself and move full-time with me?”
“I was ready to do it,” I say, feeling absolutely pathetic. “I still am.” Add this to the list of ways life has really slapped me in the face.
“I know you’d do it, and that’s another reason I don’t deserve you.” He puts his drink down, spreads his hand. “Listen to me, Fiona. You need something all your own. You could come out to Boston with me, spend a year of your life tricking the Crowleys, all for what? Some money? Your debt’s gone. You don’t need me anymore. All you’d do out there is languish, waste your time, but this job is a real future. It’s the kind of opportunity that comes along once and never again. How could I keep you from that? This job is something I can’t provide.”
I want to scream at him,I don’t want a real future, I don’t want some stupid job, I want you. But I’ve already debased myself enough as it is.
Instead, I tilt my head. “Thisjob isn’t over.”
“I’m aware of that.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. “I’ll work on how to fix things with the Crowleys. It’ll be complicated, but I’ll manage.”
“Liam’s not going to make it easy.”
“All the more reason for you to stay here. Stay away from the Crowleys. If you come with me, if we’re living out there full-time, there will be too many opportunities for us to screw this up and get you hurt. I can’t live with myself if something bad happened.”
“What then? You just want to leave me behind? I thought we had a deal. I wanted to do this.”
“I know,” he says, turning away from me, jaw flexing like he’s holding his emotions in check. “I still want you to come too. That’s the worst part. But when Janine mentioned Appalachian Peaks was hiring, I couldn’t just ignore that. I knew you’d be perfect for that job. I knew it’d be like a dream come true if they called, and they did. How could I look at myself in the mirror if I’m so selfish that I’d keep you from something like that? When I have nothing better to offer?”
That’s my decision to make.
I should be allowed to choose if what he has is better.
But some of what he’s saying makes sense. He didn’t go out looking for this job opportunity—it fell into his lap. Would it have been right to keep it from me? Maybe I get the job—maybe I don’t.
He gave me the choice.
And I chose to take the interview.
That says something about me. About what I really want.
“I understand,” I say, staring at my drink. “Maybe it won’t matter and they won’t hire me.”
“They will,” he says, sounding exhausted. “They’d be stupid not to, and I don’t think they’re stupid.”
“Thanks,” I say, blinking back tears. I stand up abruptly. “I think I need to head to bed early.”
“Fiona—”
“No, it’s okay, I’m okay. Really, I’m fine. I have an interview for a dream job, why wouldn’t I be fine? I’m not moving to Boston with you, so what? This should be better, right? A job all my own?” I laugh, sounding hysterical. “It’ll be great, really, Gareth, you made the right decision.” I breeze past him, down the hall. He stands there watching me, but I don’t look back.
I close my bedroom door, lock it, and sink to the floor. I finish the wine in two big gulps.
He was right to get me this opportunity.
He did it for me—to make me happy. To give me something real.
So why does it feel like I’m being banished? Like he’s punishing me instead?
